I recently had a birthday. A bit ago I turned 37. It. Sucks.
I don’t know if I’ve hit the wall or not. As far as I am concerned this is for Maritus to decide. Not me. But I’ll confess that I do worry about it. I look in the mirror, still feeling 20 and it is no longer a 20 year old face staring back. Age is creeping in and I don’t like it. Are there advantages? Sure. I’m not as dumb as I once was. I’ve learned a heck of a lot and am better off for it. But as far as my husband is concerned, I would like nothing better than to give him back my 20 year old body that I had when we met. But, come to find out, thats just the thing. We did meet when I was 20. We spent our youth together and married young. I was able to give him that and create these love goggles wherein (I hope) he still sees that 20 year old somewhere when he looks as me.
Women really need to begin to consider marrying young again. Not only is your youth a gift to your husband, but it is a lasting gift of how he will see you for the rest of your life. There are ways to hold onto that beauty. The anti-aging tips most of us know. But love puts on blinders or creates these love goggles. TaterEarl over at M3 states:
Women should be aware of the “love blinders” men have. When you are in love you still see that attractive young faced lady…however once the blinders come off you think “what the hell was I thinking”.
and M3 replies:
What keeps a man in love? Here’s a hint… it’s not a fierce, tnk grrrl, independent and strong woman attitude.
It’s making him a morning coffee and presenting it with a beaming smile and a kiss. It’s about asking him how his day went when he gets home from work. It’s about taking a bit of interest in the things he does, asking him for advice AND following through with it, showing trust in his decisions, making him a nice meal and telling him if he does the dishes, he can have his “desert”.. etc…
just be frickin feminine and add joy to his life, and he’ll feel true love for you, work for you, take care of you, support your ambitions, stand by you, stick up for you and be a man for you.. because seeing you smile is what melts us. And that’s what carries us into old age once beauty fades.
For you married women out there sneaking up in age, love your husbands and you will be beautiful forever. For you young women, your youth is a gift to the man you want to spend your life with and it will be a gift for yourself later on.
I like to think of the wall as the one in the Harry Potter movies where they just run right through it
I am pushing my cart right behind you, Stingray. I share some of your concerns, but I am very sure you are deeply loved. Happy Belated Birthday 
Happy birthday!!!!!! Loved the quotes, it makes all the difference between my husband and me if I’m just happy and enjoying him. I met him when I was seventeen, that sounds so young now.
I’m looking at older women (40s and up) and I see that some of them hit the wall, and some of them just transform into a MILF. They don’t look like a cute 20-something girl, but they are not unattractive. I think that should be the goal, just change image somewhat. What worked for 20s might not work for 40s, and so on. I dunno if everyone can turn into a MILF, but it’s surely worth a try. Even if just for fun, if you think your husband’s love blinders are strong.
I also used to think you were in your 40s… I hope this doesn’t come across as an insult disguised as a compliment. It is a compliment. I haven’t seen any pictures of you, after all. It’s a bit surprising to find out you’re pretty much in my age group.
@ Emma above^^^
That’s because Stingray is wise beyond her years
@ Stingray
Did you catch HOPE’s comment over at HUS? I thought it was a showstopper. It was in regards to a discussion about women’s N, but i feel key bits of her comment fit perfectly at the same time here.
From Hope:
“I think a lot of this comes down to the fact that men want a woman who has true “oneitis” for him”
“The woman wants the best man, and the man wants to be with the woman who thinks he is the best man. He wants the woman by his side who admires him, looks at him with utter love, adoration and devotion, treats him with respect, care and esteem, and lets him know without a doubt that he satisfies her completely.”
Fulfill the one-itus quotient and you will get forever love.
The Wall is the reason men get love blinders for their wives. Every woman hits The Wall; they just hit it at different times. A woman with a man who loves her, really loves her, will never look at her objectively. He’ll never see her hit The Wall. To him, she will always be the lovely girl in her 20s she was when he first met her.
Ask any husband married to a woman for a long time how he sees her and what she looks like. He’ll describe her as she was when he first met her. And he can still pull up the pictures in his mind of what she looked like then, their first meeting and how she looked. His mind literally photoshops that face and body onto her whenever he looks at her.
Sis and Kate,
Thank you for the birthday wishes. A Harry Potter wall would be most welcome.
Happy belated birthday!
This is definitely such an important thing for young women to understand. I grew up watching my dad look at my mom, seeing the 19 year old I only know from pictures. In his gaze I saw a mingled love – of her at her 19 year old peak, and of her as the wiser, kinder, woman with whom he had made so many amazing memories.
It’s such a beautiful thing to see in a man’s eyes. It’s like looking right into his soul.
I had my head screwed on wrong when I was younger but by sheer luck met my fiancé at 18. I will certainly do my best to keep myself looking beautiful for him as I age, but I don’t think I will be all that stressed about the decline, knowing that to the only person whose opinion matters to me I will always look beautiful and young.
Emma,
I’ll take MILF any day of the week and that is what I am shooting for.
Thank you for the compliment and I did take it as one. I’ve been called a Granny before so 40′s is good. It’s strange sometimes how our online personas are different from real life. You all get only part of my personality, but not the whole picture while many people in my day to day life (most) don’t see this side at all.
M3,
Thank you for the compliment and thanks for writing that great post I linked to. I really did laugh out loud when I saw your stamp of approval. You has a gift with photoshop.;)
I didn’t see Hope’s comment. Thank you for leaving it. I know a whole lot of men avoid one-itus like the plague, but I think it can be a wonderful thing as well.
Deti,
I think it’s hard for women to imagine this photoshopping thing. We don’t have to do that because most men age so well. My husband is getting more handsome and more attractive with age. There is no need to photoshop whatsoever so I project. I bet most women do this. Maritus is going salt and pepper. I’m just turning gray. I guess I need to shoot for silver.
Phedre,
From reading your comments it seems you and your fiancé are very lucky and wise people. I am really happy for the two of you
And thank you for the birthday wishes!
My grandfather had to wait for my grandmother to graduate from high school and move across the country so they could get married. He always saw her as a young girl. My ex knew me from the time I was eleven. I think I’m nineteen in his mind though. Yeah, there really is something to that older man thing.
Thanks Stingray.
And yeah, older men… My fiance is 19 years older than me as it happens
The wife gogles thing made me think about something else. Ones people do fall in love, even with someone who is not good looking, they tend to see them as beutifull anyway. I`ve seen so many men with what objectively is very unattractive wives talk about their wives beauty and really look and feel like they mean it. For certain those women had a lot less chance to find someone, at least someone they wanted, but once they do those guys seem to develop goggles anyway. Probably not as good googles but some sort of goggles nevertheless. I`ve always gotten objectively good looking girls but once I catch feelings for them they certainly bump up a point or to in my mind. When I fall out of love and can actually see them for what they are I`ve been surprised to see they where less hot than I thought although still objectively hot.
@Wudang: It has always fascinated me how men who I don’t find initially attractive become so over time. So much so that I hardly even care what a man looks like- as long as he isn’t horrible looking. I know its only a matter of time before I’ll find him the most attractive man I know.
Love Goggles, Beer Goggles….Love Is A Drug.
BERF sweetie.
the wall exists for unmarried/never married women that are marriage minded. the wall exists too women that jumped from husband to husband ended up with 2-3 kids, and finds herself 32 and single but still wanting a “life-partner”.
i wrote about a woman hitting the wall that flirted with me but spurned my advances. i ran into her when she hit 30, had her MBA, and a great job….and decided NOW was the time for to settle down. then had the audacity to suggest i move up to her neck of the woods so we could “see how things work ouot between us.”
i politely declined. lol. and the funny thing is….she’s still VERY attractive.
the sad fact is. a 23 yo 7 is hotter to a man than a 33 yo hard 8-9. and i’m not guaging personality. the 23 could be a vapid moron. i’m talking purely based on looks alone.
but yer still a hottie darling. don’t fret.
@M3: “Fulfill the one-itus quotient and you will get forever love.”
This reminds me of something the Baroness said to Maria in the Sound of Music. (Excuse the cheesy reference.) She said something along the lines of “There is nothing so irresistable to a man as a woman in love with him.”
I’m inclined to believe this is true from my experiences as well as those of other women I know, but HOW does one show this without coming off as a doormat with a man who has options? Any advice?
Kate, I think it’s shown mainly in two ways:
1- always keeping her respect for her man foremost in her heart, so all of her actions for him and around him stem from that feeling. Respect/appreciation are a crucial aspect of how men understand love. It’s foreign to women’s nature though, so we have to keep consciously put it to the forefront and work actively to keep it there. All the actions that flow out of that feeling will show him that she loves him the way he wants to be loved.
2- It’s in the eyes. This is secondary to the first point, because no matter how much love is in her gaze, if her actions don’t support it he will ultimately feel unloved. But when the behaviour is right, letting your love overflow into your gaze as you look at him can be a very powerful thing. They’re flashes that show him the full depth of your feeling.
Phedre: Thanks! Especially in 2. I was raised a stoic, so this is hard for me. I’ve gotten better with words, but still have a hard time with body language. I welcome more thoughts and tips
Off topic but wanted to spread this:
http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/eliminating-feminist-teacher-bias-erases-boys-falling-grades-study-finds
Thank you, Danny.
And, Iggy, thank you for the link. I haven’t been able to read it yet, but I will give it a good look.
Phedre,
I meant to tell you, I sure hope you don’t have to take a lot of grief for your age difference.
I’m gonna be 50 and I look better than ever
No wall here!!
Mrs. AverageMarriedDad is a young 37 too, and while I recognize her body and face aren’t exactly the same as when I met her (just coming off a varsity college sport), she still looks great! We met early 20′s, married mid-20′s and as you and M3 and Athol state I see her a little differently than others. It does help she cares a lot about her appearance and has longish hair she’s still growing out, wears flattering clothes, works out with a passion and is a fun sex partner both quality and quantity. With the land whales I see in our demographic, I am pretty damn thrilled to be married to my hot wife who I still see as a smoking 23 year old (and who, by her own right is still a MILF).
@ Kate
“This reminds me of something the Baroness said to Maria in the Sound of Music. ”
Ahhh, and here i was thinking i was about to hear a GI Joe reference about Destro’s One-itus for the Baroness…
@ Kate
“but HOW does one show this without coming off as a doormat with a man who has options? Any advice?”
Qualify to him. Simply show him you add value in his life. Just as guys shouldn’t supplicate, neither should women. Each action has an equal and opposite reaction. Reciprocal actions work in concert with each other to build love and relationships.
You make him morning coffee with a smile, it warms his heart, he holds the newspaper over your head during a rainshower while he gets soaked, protecting you (and your hard work for getting dolled up) from the elements, you smile and call him your hero and kiss him, he melts inside and works harder for you.
It’s almost tit for tat, but voluntary, not forced, not keeping score. Doormat is when you go overboard with the displays and actions where you build resentment for no reciprocal for of needs you require coming back.
I keep calling perfect relationships akin to the dream state of Inception, where you create and perceive it simultaneously. You give a bit, he gives a bit, you both feed off it and develop greater feelings for one another, redo the loop. Love grows. Either party stops reciprocating voluntarily for long enough period of time while the other tries too hard…
the dream collapses and you end up in LIMBO.
@M3: lol Thanks. I’m hearing baby steps- so hard to do once you get excited about someone! And no sprinting while the other person is walking. Thanks again.
Kate:
M3 has the female “doormat” supplication thing described well.
The other kind of female supplication that men don’t like is needy-clingy. Don’t do these things:
1. Don’t talk about your deep-seated “issues”. Don’t talk too much about how your daddy didn’t love you, or how you were traumatized in high school by this or that thing.
2. Don’t demand to spend every waking moment with him.
3. Don’t check up on him, demanding to know where he is all the time.
4. Don’t expect to be reciprocated or praised for every little thing you do for us. That builds up resentment and anger.
Eek, no! Thanks, deti
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