How can I support my husband when he is out of a job?

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Emily asks the following:

My question for you is this: how can a stay-at-home wife and mother best support her husband when he’s out of a job? I’ve tried at various times being helpful (as best I could, though I’m not sure it was received as such) and staying out of it entirely. I’ve also suggested finding a job myself – this, I think, was a mistake, or at least the way I phrased it was a mistake. My husband definitely took it as criticism of his abilities.

My current strategy – keeping my mouth shut and staying up all night worrying – is neither helping nor particularly healthy, I imagine. We’re not facing eviction or anything yet, but we are burning through our retirement savings. Is there anything (aside from scrimping as much as possible) I can do to help the situation, or is this simply a ride-it-out and trust moment?

Help during a time like this can be difficult, to say the least.  We tend to think that help has to be a very active thing.  That if we are not doing something, and something big at that, it can’t be help.  Especially when we are afraid because when we give into our fear and help in a way that makes us feel better, that usually makes this situation worse. When it comes to our husbands, especially in this kind of situation, help will often look very different than we think it should or even want it to.

I don’t think it wrong for a wife to offer to go back to work in this situation, but as Emily said, wording is very important.  Timing as well.  It should be brought up as one option of many and mentioned once for him to consider and then not brought up again unless he truly wants to consider it.  There are those who will try to convince you that not wanting his wife to work is weakness on the man’s part.  This is typically not the case.  A husband wants very much to care for his wife, to provide for her and their family.  The  drive to want to do this on his own is a strength.  A strength we should never belittle or try to take from him. It is part of his masculinity and not for us to define, especially when we are afraid.

First, the easy stuff to help with.  Scrimp, scrimp, scrimp.  Find cheap recipes to make for meals, including making your own bread.  There are some very easy bread recipes out there (look into sourdough and try to find a starter from a friend that you don’t have to buy.  Also, no kneed yeast breads). One can make a loaf of bread for less than a dollar a loaf and the taste is out of this world.  If anyone has any ideas for inexpensive family recipes, leave them in the comments.  Use your grocery store circulars.  One can find really good deals in those from time to time.  Ask friends for their Sunday paper’s coupons that they don’t use and get online and print coupons from there (if it’s cost effective.  Take into account the price of paper and ink to do this). Lastly, depending on where you live, look around your area for fruits and greens that are wild.  Things like plantain leaf, purslane, and dandelion greens are amazingly healthy and right out your front door.  It might seem unorthodox at first, but it’s one of those things you might not stop doing.  They are very tasty.

Drive less and walk more, if possible.  This is one of those things that can have a double duty as, if your husband comes with you, you can spend time with your family, keep it fun and light and enjoy each other even in this difficult time.  Again, please leave any other ideas in the comments.

Now, lets get to the help that he really needs from his wife.  In this situation, the help that a husband needs, more than anything else, is to know that you trust him and aren’t afraid.  He needs to know that you 100% support him and trust him to get a new job so he can continue to do his job of leading his family.  He is feeling like he failed, dejected and afraid.  He doesn’t want you to know any of that, at least not all of it so he will put on a strong front, for you as much for himself.  Nothing can take down a vulnerable husband faster than a wife who is afraid and is trying to take control of the situation.  So, what does a wife do?  First and foremost, she learns to let go of the fear.  This is the most difficult thing for her to do.  You’ll have to fake it at first, but lying awake at night worrying is going to wear on both of you.  Even as you’re faking it, your husband will have an inkling that you are afraid, that little bit you can’t hide in your eyes.  You must work to be truly not afraid.  You must work to put your trust completely in him, so much so that you are literally 100% unafraid of this situation.  The way in which this will build him up and give him confidence is not in me to describe.  But your complete faith in him will drive him to do whatever he can to get back on his feet.

If your Christian, PRAY.  Give your fear to God.  All of it. Remind yourself, that even should the very worst, come.  You will still be together as a family.  Nothing can pull you apart as long as you don’t let it.  This should be a huge comfort to you, because no matter what, you will be together.  Have faith that God will pull you through and trust your husband implicitly to do that.  He won’t be able to do it without you.  Also, find that which brings joy to your life.  When the fear is poking up, put your entire focus on that thing.  If you like to garden, plan your garden.  In your head, make the most beautiful garden you can and plan every inch of it. Find something like this that you can force yourself to focus on.

So, how is this, what many people will see as passivity, truly helping?  It seems as if we are doing nothing and if we aren’t actively doing something everything will fall apart and we will fail. Or the things that we can do, the scrimping and making our houses a home, are simply secondary and doing nothing to directly effect the situation.  Don’t make this mistake.  We are wives and the very best thing and most direct thing we can do to help in this situation is to let our husbands know that our confidence in them is unwavering. That they are literally our knights in shining armor.  Let them be that.  This is not passive, it is not wrong and it is not weakness.  Rather, the ability to let go of our fear is a true feminine strength.  Strive for this, this feminine strength that with practice we can find and do not let others convince you it is weakness.  As when you do find it, the masculine strength it can inspire in your husband will amaze you.

Laura Doyle AMA Happening Now

Laura Doyle will be doing her AMA at the Red Pill Women Reddit from 9AM to 6PM PST today.  I will be posting choice quotes here throughout the day.

~  I did not realize I was being controlling–only that I was being very “Helpful.” I was helping him dress better, eat healthier, with his resume, etc. But helpful in wife language is critical in husband language.

~  I try to just stick to the facts and let them know what A Surrendered Wife just acknowledges that she can’t change anyone besides herself so she doesn’t try. She won’t tell her husband how to drive, what to eat or what to do at work. Instead, she focuses on her own happiness, and that, in turn, improves the intimacy.

~  When I stopped being the arm-chair quarterback of my husband’s life, what emerged for me was that I was called to write books. . . .So it’s interesting to ask yourself what’s going on in your own life that may need attention when you’re wanting to tell your husband what to do. What will emerge for you as you take your eyes off of what he’s doing and focus on what you’re doing? I’ve seen other women have some pretty amazing quantum leaps the same way.

~  I still remember that when I was learning to surrender and really had no idea what I was doing, I was just a terrified mess and didn’t think it would work for me. I didn’t know I was controlling, I didn’t know there was another way. I remember a woman saying to me, after I asked her for advice, that she tried never to criticize her husband no matter how much it seemed like he deserved it and I said, “Have you got anything else?” Cause in my head I thought, I am NOT going to do that! I didn’t think I COULD do that. Didn’t seem possible at the time. So I have a lot of compassion for women who are where I was back then. (The rest of this comment is fantastic as well.  I recommend you read the whole thing.)

~  but if you want him to be more of a man, it’s like the old Cody commercial: Try being more of a woman.

~  But the very biggest gift you can give to that child is a playful, passionate relationship with his or her father.

~  But I have discovered that as a woman, I have some special gifts that I bring to my relationship and to the world. I’m not a smaller, less-hairy man, I’m an entirely different gender, and although it took me a long time to see the distinction, now I can’t unsee it! So when I’m sharing my experience with wives, I really am sharing partly about how to honor and celebrate our gifts as women, which are very different than men’s gifts.

For example, women are the keepers of the relationship. This is true all over the world, I’ve learned, and that means that if we learn the skills that contribute to intimate, passionate, peaceful relationships (either by reading a book or by watching our moms or grandmas or some other role model) then the relationship thrives. If not, the relationship suffers. Men don’t have that same power. That’s why I feel we women have a responsibility to learn the Intimacy Skills and practice them.

Petty Revenge

WELL beyond petty . . .

This link was put up at RPW this morning (At the time of this writing the link is down.  I don’t know if this means she removed the post or if its something else, so I’ll leave the link in for now).

So the situation at my place is: I am NOT cooking my husband dinner, washing his clothes or even making his side of the bed until he apologises for being a fuckface yesterday. Just know he is wrong and I am right. JUST KNOW. There has never been a stand more important than this. My pettiness knows no bounds, I am wild. I’ll keep you updated.

She also posted a picture of her half made bed.  It had nearly 25,000 likes and several comments.

When I’m annoyed I’ll put more broccoli on his dinner plate, or less sandwich filling in his sandwiches. Sometimes I’ll even turn the cold water on when he’s having a shower. It’s the little things.  

 . . .

My “pettiness” has occasionally reached such heights that i have sneaked outside and flicked the power main off for a second…just enough to resest the modem and upset his ps3 game or tv viewing

  . . .

Wait til he tells you that you don’t do the washing the washing machine does!!!! I had an ex use that line! When he then asked a week later why none of his washing was done I took great pleasure in saying – “well gee I’m not sure maybe you should ask the washing machine”

 . . .

My partner is not one to give out compliments very often so when I saw a post on fb about keeping record of compliments & using it as a dollar value for his bday present I thought perfect! SO FAR HE’S ON $4

There are more, a lot more, but you get the gist (thankfully there were a handful calling her out for being petty and for posting it publicly).  I can’t find it now (and have no more patience to slog throughout the comments) but one woman described what she does to her husband and ended the comment with “I Win!”

To be clear to everyone reading, I have been here.  When we first married I got mad at something Maritus did and I put extra seasoning in my spaghetti sauce that he had made very clear that he didn’t like that way.  They whole time I was doing this I kept telling myself, “this is just wrong.” but I didn’t stop.  I tend to think that most women feel this way, on some level, when they are doing this.  They feel wrong, guilty, petty and even disgusted (at least they used to.  I now wonder if it’s so pervasive that these feelings are now gone).  But they know they can turn around and tell some women about it publicly or talk to their friends and be highly praised for it, just as this woman was (there were hundreds of comments on this post the vast majority of which were praising her and telling their own stories).

Marriage is not a competition.  It is not something we enter into to be taken care of for the rest of our lives (or until we divorce) and just go along for the ride.  It’s a two way street.  A place to lift each other up higher and higher.  If you are doing petty things out of anger, even if that anger might be justified (ask yourself how often it actually is justified), you’re not doing your part to lift your husband higher.  Your not supporting him, helping him or loving him.

Marriage is not a competition where anyone “Wins!”.  If this is the attitude you have, then you’ve caused the marriage to lose.  You win when you are grateful for what you have and give back in order to help and for you both to grow stronger, for your marriage to grow stronger and best of all, for your kids and your family to grow stronger.

Petty acts of revenge, anger, and retribution will kill your marriage and they will make you miserable.  The revenge, anger and “winning” (read control) is all you will begin to focus on.  Instead, focus on what he’s done for you that you have likely never noticed before.  This woman stated, “Just know he is wrong and I am right. JUST KNOW. ”  My first thought was something along the lines of, “I don’t believe you”.  Most likely this man did something in a way that she disapproved of.  That doesn’t make him wrong.  Just different.  Even if whatever he did do was wrong, that is no reason to turn on the petty revenge and control to make a point.  It is time to take 5 seconds to forgive him and move on with your life.

It will make him happier and it will make you happier.  Perhaps surprising to some it will make your marriage happier and FAR stronger.   Let go.

The Devastation of Indifference

This comment was left at Alpha Game yesterday and commented on at Vox Popoli (Bolding in mine):

Feminism is already a dead woman walking. All feminism has is shaming language and the State (ironically, ultimately other men) to keep men to the feminist line.

But now, increasingly, the shaming doesn’t work. And men are disengaging from society in general to avoid entanglements with the state; if you don’t get married, you can’t be divorced, if you don’t co-habit you can’t have half your stuff appropriated, if you don’t have children, you can’t be on the hook for child support, if you don’t enter the corporate world you can’t be be accused of ‘harassment’ and if you don’t date you drastically reduce your chance of a false rape accusation.

These are genuine threat points for men in the modern world that didn’t exist before feminism. It speaks to the feeble minds of feminists that they would think that men will simply carry on as they did when these threats did not exist. For the last 50 years men (mostly) still did. But that’s over now.

So men are doing what they have always done: survey their environment, understand it, and behave rationally according to it. Which means, increasingly, living their lives without regard to what women want. This does not mean living without sex, relationships or female company. Just that the investment men make in all these areas is being dramatically reduced.

As feminism reduces the value of women (in men’s eyes), so men are reducing the amount of time, effort, attention and money they are willing to spend for the declining benefits modern women now bring to their lives.

But the real news is that the true cost of feminism, first born by men, and then children, is now being passed on to women. Record numbers of women are living alone, record numbers of women are childless, record numbers are on psychiatric medication, record numbers are facing a life-time of wage slavery in grinding jobs that they can never leave. And still feminism spins these outcomes as the conscious choices of these women and as ’empowering’.

And yet, women’s self-reported happiness, across all classes, all races, all demographics is lower than ever since records began 50 years ago. Tellingly, for the first time ever, their happiness is also now lower than men’s.

But you do not need to read ‘The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness’ to know this. Just talk to the increasing number of 30 and 40 year old childless spinsters one on one – not in a group – to get the REAL story. The REAL effect of feminism in the REAL world. These women don’t give two hoots about feminism, they are just wondering where all the good husbands, hell, ANY decent man, went.

Mostly, disgusted with what feminism has done to women, he walked away.

For the truth is that men don’t want to fight women, it goes against the core of what it means to be a man. But feminism thrust men into a fight that they neither started nor wanted. To the point that feminists are reduced to crowing about ‘winning’ battles that men never turned up for.

And even now, as feminism pushes and pushes and pushes to ever more absurd levels, as ever more restrictions are placed on normal masculine behavior, ever more insane definitions of ‘rape’, ‘assault’, and ‘aggression’ are drafted into law in increasingly desperate attempts to somehow, anyhow, cast women as perpetual victims – even now – men are still refusing to be drawn into a real battle.

That’s how deeply men do not want to fight women.

The sound of the final battle between the sexes will not be heard in the streets or legislatures. It will not be televised or reported. There will be no flags hoisted or victory parades. Because it is already in progress. It is happening all around us in plain sight, for those with the eyes to see it.

And men are deploying the most devastating weapon of all – indifference. In this final battle who cares least wins.

The time has come to reap the harvest of feminism, and for women the fruit will be bitterest of all.

For anyone following the Rabid and Sad Puppies (I don’t know of a single post to explain what these are.  In a nutshell, these movements are an attempt to fight back against SJW’s in the Hugo Awards) in Sci/Fi or GamerGate might recognize this.  While Sad/Rabid Puppies and GamerGaters care very much for good books and the games they wish to design, they are indifferent to what the SJWs think of, say about, and in many cases, do to them.  Very often all the SJWs can do is push them out of their group, which to them is the very worst punishment available.  What they have discovered is that you can’t eject someone from your group who was never part of it and never had any desire to be part of it.

We are also seeing this when it comes to feminism.  People no longer care that they are being labeled misogynist, hateful, weak, dumb, what-have-you.  They’ve left the club and it didn’t hurt or they never joined the club and just don’t care.  Yes, feminist SJWs can still hurt people in a very concrete way (job loss, loss of reputation, loss of family) but the indifference is still there and it is growing.  Men finding jobs that cover themselves or taking jobs they do not care if they lose, men not staking their reputation on the thoughts of woman and men not marrying feminists (or not marrying at all) is taking away the SJWs power.

This is only going to continue to grow.  Feminists short sitedness (and lack of respect) didn’t see men adjusting to the cultural changes.  They saw men dutifully playing the provider husband no matter what we decided to do to them . . . and like it.  Well, men don’t like it and and they will continue to do what they must, and not care.

Laura Doyle will be doing an AMA . . .

On the Red Pill Women subreddit on June 3rd all day.  Mrs Doyle has written The Surrendered Wife 

http://www.amazon.com/Surrendered-Wife-Practical-Finding-Intimacy/dp/B009CRR3QG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1431436380&sr=8-1&keywords=the+surrendered+wife

and The Surrendered Single.

http://www.amazon.com/Surrendered-Single-Practical-Attracting-Marrying/dp/0743217896/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1431436503&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Surrendered+Single

I was looking around her website and found this story:

A book called “The Surrendered Wife”? With a drawing of a woman in a bubble bath? No thank you.

At least that’s what I thought to myself a few years ago, as I browsed relationship books on Amazon.com, desperately trying to keep my end of the bargain my husband and I had entered into a few months before. That bargain came on the heels of an emotional re-commitment to one another after a few years of highs and lows. With two toddlers in tow, I had come to a point where I looked at my husband and wondered where the warm, romantic and loving man I had met 15 years before had gone. I saw this warmth from him with the people I loved, so I knew it was there…which was somewhat painful, but it also gave me a glimpse of hope.

. . .

It only took about one week for my husband to caress me like the old days and lovingly say, “Wow. I want to thank you for coming back. I wondered where the girl was that I had fallen in love with.”

I’m excited about this.  While I haven’t read Mrs. Doyle’s books I have heard very good things about them and I hope this will bring even more attention to what we are trying to do at RPW.  We’ve heard many of the same stories as the linked one above there from women who refer to themselves as former feminists.  Our impact isn’t huge in numbers but it has been huge for many relationships.  It is sending a ripple.  One I hope continues to grow.

UPDATE:

Laura Doyle has a new book coming out on June 2 called First, Kill All the Marriage Counselors: Modern-Day Secrets to Being Desired, Cherished, and Adored for Life.

http://www.amazon.com/First-Kill-All-Marriage-Counselors/dp/1940363861/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1431438427&sr=1-1

 

 

The Hut in the Forest

A poor wood-cutter lived with his wife and three daughters in a little hut on the edge of a lonely forest. One morning as he was about to go to his work, he said to his wife, “Let my dinner be brought into the forest to me by my eldest daughter, or I shall never get my work done, and in order that she may not miss her way,” he added, “I will take a bag of millet with me and strew the seeds on the path.” When, therefore, the sun was just above the center of the forest, the girl set out on her way with a bowl of soup, but the field-sparrows, and wood-sparrows, larks and finches, blackbirds and siskins had picked up the millet long before, and the girl could not find the track. Then trusting to chance, she went on and on, until the sun sank and night began to fall. The trees rustled in the darkness, the owls hooted, and she began to be afraid. Then in the distance she perceived a light which glimmered between the trees. “There ought to be some people living there, who can take me in for the night,” thought she, and went up to the light. It was not long before she came to a house the windows of which were all lighted up. She knocked, and a rough voice from inside cried, “Come in.” The girl stepped into the dark entrance, and knocked at the door of the room. “Just come in,” cried the voice, and when she opened the door, an old gray-haired man was sitting at the table, supporting his face with both hands, and his white beard fell down over the table almost as far as the ground. By the stove lay three animals, a hen, a cock, and a brindled cow. The girl told her story to the old man, and begged for shelter for the night. The man said,

    "Pretty little hen,
    Pretty little cock,
    And pretty brindled cow,
    What say ye to that?"

“Duks,” answered the animals, and that must have meant, “We are willing,” for the old man said, “Here you shall have shelter and food, go to the fire, and cook us our supper.” The girl found in the kitchen abundance of everything, and cooked a good supper, but had no thought of the animals. She carried the full dishes to the table, seated herself by the gray-haired man, ate and satisfied her hunger. When she had had enough, she said, “But now I am tired, where is there a bed in which I can lie down, and sleep?” The animals replied,

    "Thou hast eaten with him,
    Thou hast drunk with him,
    Thou hast had no thought for us,
    So find out for thyself where thou canst pass the night."

Then said the old man, “Just go upstairs, and thou wilt find a room with two beds, shake them up, and put white linen on them, and then I, too, will come and lie down to sleep.” The girl went up, and when she had shaken the beds and put clean sheets on, she lay down in one of them without waiting any longer for the old man. After some time, however, the gray-haired man came, took his candle, looked at the girl and shook his head. When he saw that she had fallen into a sound sleep, he opened a trap-door, and let her down into the cellar. Late at night the wood-cutter came home, and reproached his wife for leaving him to hunger all day. “It is not my fault,” she replied, “the girl went out with your dinner, and must have lost herself, but she is sure to come back to-morrow.” The wood-cutter, however, arose before dawn to go into the forest, and requested that the second daughter should take him his dinner that day. “I will take a bag with lentils,” said he; “the seeds are larger than millet, the girl will see them better, and can’t lose her way.” At dinner-time, therefore, the girl took out the food, but the lentils had disappeared. The birds of the forest had picked them up as they had done the day before, and had left none. The girl wandered about in the forest until night, and then she too reached the house of the old man, was told to go in, and begged for food and a bed. The man with the white beard again asked the animals,

    "Pretty little hen,
    Pretty little cock,
    And pretty brindled cow,
    What say ye to that?"

The animals again replied “Duks,” and everything happened just as it had happened the day before. The girl cooked a good meal, ate and drank with the old man, and did not concern herself about the animals, and when she inquired about her bed they answered,

    "Thou hast eaten with him, Thou hast drunk with him,
    Thou hast had no thought for us,
    To find out for thyself where thou canst pass the night."

When she was asleep the old man came, looked at her, shook his head, and let her down into the cellar. On the third morning the wood-cutter said to his wife, “Send our youngest child out with my dinner to-day, she has always been good and obedient, and will stay in the right path, and not run about after every wild humble-bee, as her sisters did.” The mother did not want to do it, and said, “Am I to lose my dearest child, as well?” “Have no fear,’ he replied, “the girl will not go astray; she is too prudent and sensible; besides I will take some peas with me, and strew them about. They are still larger than lentils, and will show her the way.” But when the girl went out with her basket on her arm, the wood-pigeons had already got all the peas in their crops, and she did not know which way she was to turn. She was full of sorrow and never ceased to think how hungry her father would be, and how her good mother would grieve, if she did not go home. At length when it grew dark, she saw the light and came to the house in the forest. She begged quite prettily to be allowed to spend the night there, and the man with the white beard once more asked his animals,

    "Pretty little hen,
    Pretty little cock,
    And beautiful brindled cow,
    What say ye to that?"

“Duks,” said they. Then the girl went to the stove where the animals were lying, and petted the cock and hen, and stroked their smooth feathers with her hand, and caressed the brindled cow between her horns, and when, in obedience to the old man’s orders, she had made ready some good soup, and the bowl was placed upon the table, she said, “Am I to eat as much as I want, and the good animals to have nothing? Outside is food in plenty, I will look after them first.” So she went and brought some barley and stewed it for the cock and hen, and a whole armful of sweet- smelling hay for the cow. “I hope you will like it, dear animals,” said she, “and you shall have a refreshing draught in case you are thirsty.” Then she fetched in a bucketful of water, and the cock and hen jumped on to the edge of it and dipped their beaks in, and then held up their heads as the birds do when they drink, and the brindled cow also took a hearty draught. When the animals were fed, the girl seated herself at the table by the old man, and ate what he had left. It was not long before the cock and the hen began to thrust their heads beneath their wings, and the eyes of the cow likewise began to blink. Then said the girl, “Ought we not to go to bed?”

    "Pretty little hen,
    Pretty little cock,
    And pretty brindled cow,
    What say ye to that?"

The animals answered “Duks,”

    "Thou hast eaten with us,
    Thou hast drunk with us,
    Thou hast had kind thought for all of us,
    We wish thee good-night."

Then the maiden went upstairs, shook the feather-beds, and laid clean sheets on them, and when she had done it the old man came and lay down on one of the beds, and his white beard reached down to his feet. The girl lay down on the other, said her prayers, and fell asleep. She slept quietly till midnight, and then there was such a noise in the house that she awoke. There was a sound of cracking and splitting in every corner, and the doors sprang open, and beat against the walls. The beams groaned as if they were being torn out of their joints, it seemed as if the staircase were falling down, and at length there was a crash as if the entire roof had fallen in. As, however, all grew quiet once more, and the girl was not hurt, she stayed quietly lying where she was, and fell asleep again. But when she woke up in the morning with the brilliancy of the sunshine, what did her eyes behold? She was lying in a vast hall, and everything around her shone with royal splendor; on the walls, golden flowers grew up on a ground of green silk, the bed was of ivory, and the canopy of red velvet, and on a chair close by, was a pair of shoes embroidered with pearls. The girl believed that she was in a dream, but three richly clad attendants came in, and asked what orders she would like to give? “If you will go,” she replied, “I will get up at once and make ready some soup for the old man, and then I will feed the pretty little hen, and the cock, and the beautiful brindled cow.” She thought the old man was up already, and looked round at his bed; he, however, was not lying in it, but a stranger. And while she was looking at him, and becoming aware that he was young and handsome, he awoke, sat up in bed, and said, “I am a King’s son, and was bewitched by a wicked witch, and made to live in this forest, as an old gray-haired man; no one was allowed to be with me but my three attendants in the form of a cock, a hen, and a brindled cow. The spell was not to be broken until a girl came to us whose heart was so good that she showed herself full of love, not only towards mankind, but towards animals – and that thou hast done, and by thee at midnight we were set free, and the old hut in the forest was changed back again into my royal palace.” And when they had arisen, the King’s son ordered the three attendants to set out and fetch the father and mother of the girl to the marriage feast. “But where are my two sisters?” inquired the maiden. “I have locked them in the cellar, and to-morrow they shall be led into the forest, and shall live as servants to a charcoal-burner, until they have grown kinder, and do not leave poor animals to suffer hunger.”

The End

 

I read this story from one of my girls library books today.  It is from the Brothers Grimm and was collected in Germany.

I was quite taken with the youngest daughter, for obvious reasons.  How she worries that her father will go hungry.  That her good mother will grieve and how she begs “prettily” to be allowed to spend the night.  Then she cares for those in the small house first.  All the while, she never seems upset or putout by this.  On the contrary, she seems quite happy.  I especially like how, before she went to sleep, she prayed.

It can be like this.  We will be told over and over it can’t be or that it shouldn’t be.  That choosing this life is choosing the life of a slave; that our husbands are tyrants for wanting or expecting this.  It doesn’t matter what they say.  Our happiness and joy are enough to show this lie for what it is.

If this is the life you have chosen, live it without fear and let your love and joy silence those who would attempt to shame you.

 

The Gender Gap

From Instapundit:

If you’re a criminal defendant, it may help—a lot—to be a woman. At least, that’s what Prof. Sonja Starr’s research on federal criminal cases suggests. Prof. Starr’s recent paper, “Estimating Gender Disparities in Federal Criminal Cases,” looks closely at a large dataset of federal cases, and reveals some significant findings. After controlling for the arrest offense, criminal history, and other prior characteristics, “men receive 63% longer sentences on average than women do,” and “[w]omen are…twice as likely to avoid incarceration if convicted.” This gender gap is about six times as large as the racial disparity that Prof. Starr found in another recent paper.

Following Instapundit’s link to the article (emphasis mine):

Prof. Starr emphasized that it is not possible to “prove” gender discrimination with data like hers, because it is always possible that two seemingly similar cases could differ in ways not captured by the data. Given the size of the apparent gender gap and the richness of the dataset (which allowed many alternative explanations to be explored), however, Starr believes that there is “pretty good reason to suspect that disparate treatment may be one of the causes of this gap.”

Undoubtably, this is true.  But I can’t help but wonder, when will the wage gap crowd admit this about their data?  Women not choosing the same jobs as men could possibly be an important fact.

(H/T Vox Popoli)

On another note, Rollo Tomassi finished his second book, The Rational Male ~ Preventive Medicine. 

In what Respect are Men Created Equal?

As most of you know, I began a new blog last week to help me to further my learning about the Catholic Faith.  In that learning, my husband pointed me to this Baltimore Catechism website.  In the very first lesson, there are questions about the equality of man (and if you look at question 133, Man is a creature composed of body and soul, and made to the image and likeness of God).  

Q. 128. In what respect are all men equal? 

A. All men are equal in whatever is necessary for their nature and end. They are all composed of a body and soul; they are all created to the image and likeness of God; they are all gifted with understanding and free will; and they have all been created for the same end — God.

Q. 129. Do not men differ in many things? 

A. Men differ in many things, such as learning, wealth, power, etc.; but these things belong to the world and not man’s nature. He came into this world without them and he will leave it without them. Only the consequences of good or evil done in this world will accompany men to the next.

I found these simple answers rather profound.  We often see definitions of equality around.  Equal under the law, equal in value, we are different but equal.  I found this explanation the very best of them all.  We all have a body and soul.  We are Awake and Alive and we have been created for God.

I realize that this may seem incomplete to many people, that it might not sound fair.  But looking at it’s simplicity, I find it astoundingly beautiful.  What we crave as far as equality, are things of this world.  But what we are given, is the ultimate equality from God, necessary for our nature and end.  We want so much more. We demand so much more, but in the end, all of that is moot.  Only what we have done will follow us into the next life.

 

***Intentions for this blog

When I began the new blog, my husband wanted me to make a choice between this blog and that one.  Given that I rarely post here any more, I asked him if I could only post here or there and never both at once and he agreed.  Having said that, as you all have likely noticed, I don’t post much here any more.  I feel I have said most of what I have wanted to say here.  I don’t plan on shutting this blog down as, from time to time, something might come up that I would like to write on.  But that will likely be much further and farther between posts.  If people have questions, I will do my best to answer them or if something strikes me as important, I will write about it.  However, my focus is more drawn to learning about what God expects of me, and more, what I can do for Him.  I am sure, in that learning, things will come up that will be more appropriate to talk about here.

Sadly, Elspeth is ready to move on as well.  She has been a huge help to me and she and Hearthie (among others) have been a big influence in me changing the course of my thoughts more toward God.  I am truly grateful to them.  Thank you both very much.

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