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A discussion has started at Dalrock’s this morning regarding respect and men (You can read the thread here.  This started close to the bottom of the comments).  One thing that beta men have been taught and have taken fully to heart is that they must respect women.  However, respect is not really what we want from a man.  Rather, it is not the main thing we want from a man.  It is icing on the cake, surely, but not what draws us to men.  A woman cannot feel respect for a man that that holds her higher than himself.  Indeed, it is difficult to feel respect for man that does not hold himself at least on par, or higher, than most of the others around him.

By holding one’s SO higher than himself he is in essence saying that I am not worthy of your greatness but I will prove to you that I will work hard to stay in your presence.  Nothing will breed contempt from a woman faster.  Not only has the woman been placed on a pedestal, she has also been put in charge.  She will take charge, as someone must, but she will resent it (though not realize why) and she will likely abuse it (which stems from the resentment).

A man must always respect himself above his wife.  Demonstrating this proves that he has the strength to care for her better than she can for herself.  He has the strength to not lose it during an emotional tirade (bonus if he has enough to laugh these off and simply walk away).  He has the strength to deny his wife something she thinks she desperately wants, but is actually not in her best interest.  He has the strength needed to tend to what the marriage needs before what she wants.

Respect is something that must be earned and she is not going to be outwardly happy during these times.  However, respect isn’t meant to breed happiness so much as it is to bring stability.  Her happiness depends on herself and no one else.

So, if one is to be the rock, one must stand firm in his self respect, dignity and strength. Otherwise he will be washed away in the storm.

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