Since I first started to read in the manosphere one of the most predominant questions is “What is an Alpha?” Everyone seems to have their own definition ranging from a man who has a whole lot of luck in the woman department to a man who is simply dominant. There are also a lot of people asking where the Alpha comes from. For the sake of this post, I am more interested in Alpha itself (and I think Rollo is mostly spot on in his post).
What is an Alpha?
I think one of the most important things to realize is that Alpha is not Alpha is not Alpha. Yes, there is a base level of characteristics that will define an Alpha. Self confidence, dominance, self assurance, a certain drive to accomplish something important to themselves, etc. However, there is not one kind of Alpha, or rather there is not one level of Alpha. There is the bad boy Alpha (the one most talked about in the manosphere) who’s main claim is that he has been with a plethora of women. But I think this definition falls sadly short. There are plenty of men who are capable of this, but for many different reasons (very often religious) choose not to. They are more interested in living their lives for their chosen mission (that certain drive that these men have, coupled with their mission, is very likely at the center of the other Alpha characteristics). The apex of Alpha, in my opinion, is the man who has his mission and strives to complete it in the most direct, yet moral way possible. Now, a lot of people will think this is a foolish and childish definition, but I think this is because one so very rarely sees men like this these days that people honestly don’t believe these kinds of men exist any more. Also, men like this will not flaunt themselves, so it makes it even more difficult to see who they are. Between these two levels are a sliding scale of different levels of alpha and depending on a given situation men will slide back and forth between levels. Think about it, if you have ten groups of men, within each group an alpha will emerge. Then take those ten Alphas and put them into a room together and there will emerge an Alpha among that group as well. Change the situation and the men will change their hierarchy to best manipulate that situation.
Alphas and Women
Another predominant theory is that women love the bad boy Alpha. On the surface, yes this is true. Most women will be highly intrigued and interested in the bad boy. He displays enough traits that are lacking in so many men these days that she will become attracted to him (and yes, there have always been and always will be women who will lust after the bad boy more than any other man. That will never change). However, I believe that most women, if given a choice between the bad boy Alpha and the good man Alpha, especially when it comes to relationships, would choose the good man almost every time. But again, men like this are so rare, that women will tend to take whatever Alpha they can get their hands on and then hope against hope that she can change him. The other thing to keep in mind that this is talking about relationships. Now that we live in a world of no strings attached sex, more women are lusting after the bad boy because he always appears more exciting. However, more exciting does not equate to stability and when stability is what is wanted, she will go after the good man who no longer has any interest in the woman who spent time and gave herself to the bad boy. Women are also going to pursue different levels of Alpha. The top dog alpha, believe it or not, is going to be far too intense for some women who would rather go for man a bit further down the hierarchy for her own comfort level. A man that she can depend on to be her Rock, yet will display more comforting traits that she may need. She will find the higher Alphas very attractive, but for a relationship they might be too much for her.
Non-predominant Alpha Traits
Alphas will come in all different shapes and sizes and while a woman will be intrigued by most any Alpha, that does not mean she does not have preferences (and these preferences will produce, for her, a slightly different hierarchy of what constitutes the most Alpha man). For example, if I were presented with two Alphas, one a CEO of a Fortune 500 company and one a country man who knows his way around the woods, hunting, guns, and hard outdoor labor I would be far more attracted to the latter. Does that mean that I would find the CEO unattractive? No. But he is simply not my type and while I would admire him I would want to pursue the other man. Attraction does not automatically mean that one wants to pursue a man. It can be as simple as taking notice, admiring, and then going on with the day. It is very much like a man seeing the beautiful 18 year old girl on the beach, watching and admiring her and then turning back to his wife. Unfortunately, many women are no longer taught this and are instead taught to pursue any man they wish.
What women need to do is focus on identifying what type of man they are most interested in spending their lives with and then pursue men whom they find attractive and they respect inside those types. If she simply pursues and gives herself to any Alpha who will have her, she will find herself in a position of no man, especially and Alpha man, wanting her. What, I think, men need to do, is decide first and foremost, what kind of man they wish to be and unapologetically pursue that with everything they are. I have been told that this is dangerously close to the “Just be yourself” advice that women so often give. The difference is that men who follow that advice do it for the sake of women. A man should choose what kind of man he wishes to be for himself and for himself alone.