It’s been a bit of a crazy week around here. Maritus has been working a lot as there have been some changes in his company. It turns out that he is going to have to be working more and harder. We pretty much expected this in this economy and it is what it is. I’ve said before that a marriage is not 50/50% in contributions, but 100/100%. What that means is, it’s time for me to step it up as well.
He’s not going to be working more and harder because he wants to, but because it is required of him. He would rather be home here, with us. I think most fathers would. If he is going to be working harder, then I want him to be able to come from work to a more comfortable home. Not only that, but I will try to get quite a bit of the stuff that he would typically do around here done for him. Mowing the lawn, taking out the garbage, hedges, the normal stuff. I figure that the less he has to worry about, the more he can relax while he is here and enjoy his family and his time with us.
I’m not telling you this in anyway to brag, our to tout my homemaking skills (I am, sadly, not a very good housekeeper for legitimate and illegitimate reasons). I am telling you this because we too often hear stories these days of women (and some men) who are either oblivious or unwilling to put in the work needed to raise a family and/or nurture a marriage. Marriage takes work, though, what I’ve noticed lately is that it doesn’t have to feel that way. You got married because you love the man, so doing this to make him happy should make you happy. Sure, a lot of the day to day stuff is not so fun. However, seeing the man you love come home and the look of relief at being home, the look of contentedness at a hot home-cooked dinner on the table, the look of joy at the kids sitting around the table and beaming back at Daddy, this makes it all completely worth it. He is going out there and busting his hump for you. For the family that you brought together. He deserves the same from you and a place to come home to that makes him happy.
I am reminded of this, while writing this post. Also, keep in mind that what makes your husband happy may be slightly different than what I or your friend does. You may work as well and not be able to provide all of these things, but there is always something that you can do to welcome him home. Something that will brighten his day that you can provide better than anything else. Find out what this is. If you don’t know, ask him. The fact that you want to do this for him will bring joy in and of itself.
Matt King has recommended the book Home Comforts: The Science of Keeping House by Cheryl Mendleson (Thank You!). It came in the mail today. As I said, I am not a very good housekeeper. I know the basics of how. We all do. But I am looking forward to this because I think it will give me a lot of ideas on how to make my home a more comfortable place. In reading a good part of the essay at the beginning, she views keeping house like I do cooking. One can cook and follow the recipe and it will be a good dish. However, when one puts ones heart into it and thinks of those she loves while preparing the exact same recipe, the dish will be wonderful. It truly will taste different. She says the same about making up a home, so it really resonates with me and it makes perfect sense. As I learn more about this, if anything of note comes up, I will keep you informed!