In my post, A Guide to Entering the Manosphere (For Women), I touched on how women these days, whether they identify as one or not, are feminists. We are so steeped in our current culture that even though we may not be a strident equalist or believe in feminine superiority, we believe many of the things feminism taught us without even realizing it. I touch on it a bit in my last post in where I believed when I was first married that the wife was usually right in any argument and the husband wrong. I had a great difficult in discovering this was not actually true (at least it shouldn’t be). I actually remember thinking of TV shows like The Cosby Show and Home Improvement and wondering what I was doing wrong.(!)
One of the more common themes I see from women (and not a few men) upon first entering the manosphere is this idea that the bloggers too often write in generalities and that, of course, Not All Women Are Like That. So much so that it has become a joke and has it’s own acronym, NAWALT. What typically happens is they will get angry, say some form of NAWALT, deride the men there and their masculinity and either leave or snottily continue it. It has happened so many times that what will be said is nearly entirely predictable. They are typecasting themselves into the very generality they were railing against.
Generalities and stereotypes are used by human beings for a reason. It is a natural thing we do that helps make our world more simple by breaking different people into different categories (There is more here if you are interested) Stereotyping can be used for good or bad, but either way it is something that we all do. Children of my generation (Gen-X) and later have been inundated with this idea that generalities are evil things and that we should all learn to be utterly tolerant and understanding of everyone. This, I think, is one of the things that has lead to so many womens’ sense of entitlement today. Yet, to even say so many women have this sense of entitlement is considered wrong, even if it might be true, because there will be some women out there who do not have this. Or, they will be different from whatever the generality of the day is. It doesn’t really matter.
What so many women don’t seem to understand is that, first, in so many base ways, they are exactly like the other women out there. We are solipsistic (to varying degrees), hypergamic (to varying degrees), emotional thinkers (to varying degrees) and competitive with other females (I’m not going to say it again). This does not make us bad, it makes us female. Second, the minute they come out and say they are not like other women, they are demonstrating exactly the point that they are, just like so many women who have come before them, especially when they become angry and start to put down the men there for employing those generalities. Third, most of the people who partake in these forums are well aware that NAWALT, only a great many of them have never seen anything different, or they have seen so few different women than the norm that for some, it basically becomes meaningless.
Women need to learn that it will do them no good to become upset at the men (and women) in these parts for lumping them into varying stereotypes. It does no good to blame the men for their life experiences, the experiences of their friends and almost every man they might know. If women want to get angry at someone, they need to be angry with those women that are actually perpetuating these stereotypes. (Vox Day writes about this today specifically regarding men opening doors for women.) Men are simply reacting to the way that so many women act and yet women are angry at men for their reactions. If a woman does not want the men around her to react in a certain way, the onus is on her to change. It is not on the men here to bend to women to make us happy. If we want to be happy in the company of men it is up to us to show that we are different or making an effort to be different. It is no longer enough to say, “hey, I’m different than those other girls” (This makes me wonder if hating generalities is steeped in female competition). We need to demonstrate it. That means that we need to listen, we need to internalize what we read here even if we don’t agree with it, we need to ask questions and we need to be nice. Don’t come to these parts expecting to be treated any differently than your average woman out there today. Demonstrate that you are Not Like That and you won’t be treated like that.
A Caveat: At some point in your travels around the manosphere, no matter how nice you are, you will be derided. It comes with the territory. My advice is to ignore it or continue to be nice about it and ask politely what might be going on. The times that it is appropriate to come back at the person in the same manner are very few and far between.