I watched two youtube videos last night that made me stand up and pay close attention.  The first is by Ann Barnhardt and it’s about the word nice.  We hear so much in the Sphere about men being taught to be nice and being nice guys.  That this is the way they should live their lives and be toward women . . . always (I do not think that mothers/sisters/girlfriends told men this on purpose.  Regardless, we have taught our men wrong)  I have told the women here to be nice.  After watching this video I will never say that again.

Now, before you watch this video I am only going to be discussing what she has to say about the word nice and being nice.  Ann Barnhardt is extremely in your face.  She pulls no punches.  If you decide to watch the video in it’s entirety (I will link to it beginning at where she starts to talk about the word nice) most of you will be uncomfortable and many of you will be downright offended.  Regardless of what you think of the rest of the video, I urge you to pay very close attention to what she says about being nice.  Don’t lose sight of that for anything else she says that might take you aback.  At about the 6 minute mark she begins to apply this meaning of being nice to socialism, Marxism and the Church.  But it all applies just as easily to what we have been teaching our men and boys since feminism.

Watch it here.

The second video I watched last night has to do with the path of the Catholic church.  Specifically, the video is about Cardinal Dolan inviting Barack Obama to a Catholic event. The salient part for this post (to which I will link the video starting at this point)  is that the church, in becoming far more feminine over the past 50 years or so has lost it’s ability to love in it’s truest sense of the word.  This applies just as easily to what men have been taught in mine and subsequent generation.  Regardless of your religious beliefs, watch this, apply it to manhood and see where it takes you.

While I was watching these videos last night Wudang had this to say, in part (read his whole comment here)

The failure to see the male pole of morality as essentially male leads the view of males as morally backwards compared to women who have more empathy and love. So she becomes a higher more moral and worthy person he should emulate and learn what is moral good and right from because she feels more for other people. That belief alone is enough to subtly put men under the indirect control of females because men will then take their behavioral cues from women and feel that fundamentally the woman is probably right when there is a disagreement in what is right to do because she is the good and moral one.

People also fail to see male morality as connected to love because it seems logical, dry and head based and so void of emotion and hence of love. Men are also burdened with being the bad cop in their morality having to be brutal towards those who just have to be sacrificed for the greater good for life to go on and so seem like beings of lesser morals even when they are doing good. (The same brutality a man directs towards himself when he sacrifices himself for the greater good). But the fact is that a man will often feel very strong emotions connected to these moral choices. A sense of honor that compels a man to stand for his principles in the face of harsh consequences to doing so can generate intense feeling and a man will often feel intense meaning in doing brutal things like going to war. And intimately connected to those feelings will often be a form of love feeling that is directed towards the higher purpose be it family, the tribe, nation, humanity, sacrificing for women etc. It is also the case that mystics of all traditions in describe experiences during deep prayer or meditation of both feelings of more conventional heart based love and of a more universal impersonal love and the latter is associated with experiences in the head (spreading down throughout the body though) rather than the physical heart where individual love is felt). So when you go deeply into the male pole of morality, there is LOVE although an impersonal general one.

There is a weakness in the male moral style and that is that is that it does not come as easily by itself as empathy and love does. Although there are general dispositions for styles of seeing what is right and wrong one needs a particular moral code, a particular purpose to sacrifice for etc. to really bring this forth. So in the absence of clear way of thinking about what is right to do, about what should be the code for a man men might end up with very little to guide them and so realize very little of their moral potential. Empathy for individuals is more fluid and spontaneous and does not require to the same degree specific guidance.

THe male moral code requires the general and so by making generalizations “bad” the foundation male morality is built on disappears. By making casting judgement in itself and immoral act large parts of male morality is made impossible because so much of it is about judging behavior in order to uphold morals from the top down on a broad societal level. By undermining the general rules of justice and fairness male morality is further weakened.

For now, I am going to let the videos and Wudang’s comments stand alone.  I really don’t have anything to add as they cover it all for the men.  I will say, for the women, I won’t be saying to be nice any more.  I will say, however, that we must be civil, polite and conduct ourselves with poise in a disagreement, on the internet or with our husbands and with loved ones.  I am not asking for women to come here or anyplace else and completely agree and “be nice”.  I am saying disagree, but disagree without being brash.  You will be more likely to be listened to and your argument will more likely be heard and understood.

Even more than this, as women, our job is support our men in their true abilities to love.  Love is not all unicorns and fairies.  It is tough, messy and often frightening.  As Wudang said above, a man loves by logic, truth and fairness.  A woman loves with empathy.  Too much of either one and a family and a society will crumble.  Both are necessary and it is your job to support your man in his quest to show love by not being nice, but also to show empathy to him and those around you when necessary.  He will see this and take note of it and the two of you will be able to love fully those whom are in your lives.

NOTE: If you did watch all of either video I am not going to discuss the things said regarding anything else on them you might take exception with.  I am not knowledgable enough to discuss Islam or satanism to be able to apply a high level of logic to them.  Regardless, this is not what this post is about.  Whether you agree or disagree with any other points in the above videos, is irrelevant.  I know they are hot topics, but we are here to talk about masculinity and femininity.

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