Aoefe at Sex, Lies and Attempts for Truth wrote a post not too long ago that really resonated with me. In it, she relates how she likes to dress in a feminine way for herself. Dressing this way makes her feel like a woman and she truly enjoys it. She ended her post with this:
This post is written to encourage women to embrace their essential femininity and their sensuality. Learn not to care what others may think. It’s very freeing.
This is something I have been struggling with for a very long time. I was very much a tomboy as a child and for many years refused to wear a dress or anything girly. I viewed the line “You throw like a girl” as a personal challenge and learned to do many things in a very masculine way. How I dressed was part of this. I didn’t go so far as to only wear men’s clothes, but I was very much a jeans and t-shirt type girl, throwing in the occasional girl shirt and very occasionally a dress. I have gotten used to dressing up when the occasion called for it, but for many years even this was difficult for me (more on that to come). At all other times comfort was king. That comfort had nothing to do with anything feminine. Over the past couple of years, I have been trying to change this but the going has been very slow (too slow). It took reading around the manosphere to point out that I have very much been like this (H/T Rollo Tomassi):
I have been slowly incorporating more attractive things to my wardrobe, pretty undergarments, pretty nightgowns and things like that, but I have been very resistant in the everyday clothing area. I finally changed this and have bought some dresses and skirts to wear for just around the house on a normal day. It is taking some getting used to (I’m wearing one of my new skirts as I type and it feels strange but not uncomfortable).
One of the things I have discovered is that a big part of the reason I have been resistant to dress in a feminine way is that other women don’t much like to see this. I have changed my body quite drastically over the past few years and I have been buying dresses and clothes that very much flatter me (for those dressy occasions). I have also been wearing high heels when the occasion calls for it and this makes me stand out. I don’t wear things that are inappropriate, just much more feminine and flattering to my body type. For a long time, dressing this way made me very uncomfortable as I knew I was going against the crowd and some women would not like this. It took me a long time to be like Aoefe and not care what others think. I would focus more on what I thought those women wanted (mind you, I can remember only one minor thing being said to me, but I was ever conscious of them, nonetheless) and not on being pretty for myself or my husband. I would even go so far as to, on occasion, not wear my feminine clothes to certain things so as not to offend(!). While this has changed and I try very hard to dress for myself and Maritus, it is something I still struggle with from time to time.
As I was thinking about all of this today, it hit me that this is just another way that proves most women want to be submissive. If they are not able to submit to their husbands, they very much are submitting to the herd and what the herd calls them to. The herd can be a very powerful thing, as evidence in my reaction to breaking away from it. My comfort in being able to do this is very dependent on Maritus being so strong and knowing how important it is to him that I dress in a feminine way. It is helping me embrace my own femininity and I am very much liking it. My hat goes off to Aoefe for doing this on a regular basis and shaking off those who would deride her for it. It also makes me wish we still lived in a time when the herd expected femininity from women and beauty and sensuality were something to strive for.