When one spends enough time reading the various blogs in the manosphere there is a trend that is seen regarding manipulative women. The word manipulative is almost always used in a very negative light. I had a conversation at Alpha Game a few days ago that was going nowhere for this very reason. He was using the word to mean a very negative thing and I was not. Because of this one word we were not understanding one another. Finally, I looked the word up, as I knew the definition of this word is why we were at an impasse. From the Oxford Dictionary, the definition of the word manipulate:
1 handle or control (a tool, mechanism, information, etc.) in a skilful manner
2 control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly or unscrupulously.
~ alter or present (data) so as to mislead.
During the conversation, I was using the second definition, but using it in terms of cleverly. Not unscrupulously. Not too long ago, this was referred to as feminine wiles. But even these have a negative connotation to them. From the Free Online Dictionary, wile (noun):
1. A stratagem or trick intended to deceive or ensnare.
2. A disarming or seductive manner, device, or procedure.
3. Trickery; cunning
1. To influence or lead by means of wiles; entice.
2. To pass (time) agreeably
What I was talking about during our conversation was a combination of definition 2 of the noun and definition 1 of the verb. Feminine wiles, while they can certainly be used to negative and devious ends, are nothing more than a tool. In essence, they are Girl Game. Just like Game, they are going to be used to the end goal of the user, for either good or bad, but in and of themselves, they are not a bad thing. Feminine wiles are a woman’s power. They are what she covertly uses to influence her man, or any man, to get what she wants. It is what any particular woman might want that a man has to be careful of. If her end game is to increase her ability to love, the her manipulation or influence of her man is a very good thing. If her end game is a large house with granite counter tops, then one wants to be very wary of any feminine wiles she might employ.
I use feminine wiles often to produce the effect I desire (my husband knows darn well what I’m doing, too. This is a good thing.) I manipulate his senses with baked cookies. I entice him to more sleep with pretty nightgowns (haha!) If he really needs the sleep, I employ his beautiful daughters to give me ideas on how to help Daddy get more sleep so he’s not too tired during the day (right in front of him, of course). I don’t do this harshly or in any way nagging. It’s done as a matter of fact and he appreciates what I am trying to do for him. I know darn well that a “Come to bed” will fall on deaf ears, but a “Why is Daddy so tired?” will soften him to go to bed a bit earlier that evening. It’s also a very gentle way for me to tell him something he really does not want to hear (Maritus hates to sleep as it’s a waste of precious time that he could use to read or do something else he loves).
Feminine wiles must be applied skillfully and carefully. One must learn the intricacies of one’s husband before trying different things as, most of the time the effort will be appreciated, sometimes it will not. Sometimes, a wife must just stand back and let what will happen, happen and then try something different on another day. Many times, wiles must simply be applied playfully as what you wish to disarm is simply the day and your goal is to tweeze out a smile or a laugh. Apply them aptly and both you and your husband will be happier for it.