Althol Kay has a fantastic post up this morning regarding Fitness Testing and it is worth a read. He has potentially coined a new term, “Loyalty Testing”. This post really nails something that has felt off to me (only slightly) for awhile. Read it here.
Athol and his Reader get into something beyond straight Fitness testing; that pushing against a man to test his resolve. Loyalty testing is different in that it is not used to test his resolve (as in his masculinity) rather it is used to test his loyalty to her. You may be thinking, “who cares, a test is a test.” and depending on the woman, this is very much true. A loyalty test can be used as a fitness test by a strong/hard headed woman to test whether or not her husband is where she wants him to be. However, that is not how a woman who is rather more quiet and reserved would act. A woman who is (or who wants to be) submitting to her husband needs to know, will he always be there for her. Does he still love her? I know this may sound absurd to some of the men reading this. You tell her, you work your tail off, you do everything to show you love her, but she may not still understand. And the older she gets, the closer she gets to the wall, the more doubts she is going to have.
Does this mean that you bend over backwards to demonstrate your love? No, of course not. That is the “bad beta” Athol talks about in his post. Women communicate much differently than men. We hear you say “I love you”, but we look at your face and your body for something beyond the words. Other women say stuff all the time that means nothing and wives know this. She is inadvertently projecting this distrust of what other women (and some men) say onto you, the husband. We all say “I love you” from time to time and while we mean the words, we have other things on our minds so our body language doesn’t match it. Obviously, this is fine. The husband leaves for work and he goes with a quick “I love you” beforehand. He means it, but it’s not always enough. Every once and a while, a woman needs to know beyond the words. I think this is what a Loyalty test means. She is fishing for something more than the words for comfort and security.
Note** This does not mean Game and masculinity are not utterly necessary! What is known as “Dread” works. Different amounts of it are needed for different woman and different marriages. What this means is, when she gets it, when she knows how wonderful you are and that other women would be lucky (and very willing) to have you, if you still want her, she needs to know it. For women to know this, words are not going to be enough. What is enough, will be different for each woman.