I realize that this has all been said many times. However, it bears repeating and going into some detail as many women still think simply being female is enough to warrant having a husband. It’s not.
No one is entitled to a spouse, man or woman, just like no one is entitled to an Audi A8 or a position as CEO of a Fortune 500 Company. Finding a man to spend the rest of your life with takes work and it also takes dedication. Dedication must come before meeting the man and it will last through the courtship and through the rest of your marriage until (hopefully) death. This dedication must start at a young age. A girl needs to decide in her mid to early teens what she wants out of her life. Does she want marriage or does she want a career? She needs to understand the repercussions of these decisions and be steadfast to reach her goal. There is no *All* for women (or men) to have. If you choose marriage and family, you will be sacrificing some things. If you choose career, you will also be sacrificing some things.
I want to talk here to those women who decide they want a marriage and family. If you decide you want this for yourself I have compiled a list of things that most men are looking for in a wife (notice I said a wife. The list is very different for men looking for a quick fling).
Be Beautiful
Beauty is what a man is going to notice first. It is how a woman looks that will first draw attention. He needn’t say a word to a woman to know whether or not he finds her attractive. Beauty is necessary for any woman attracting a man, whether it be a one night thing or a relationship. Too many women confuse this idea that he should be attracted to personality before deciding relationship status but this is simply not how men are wired. Intrinsically we know this (or women would not dress like this on Halloween or any other night of the year)
I know that not all women are endowed with natural beauty. We do all have, however, a base with which to work from. Learn how to apply makeup and enhance your best features, stay or get yourself thin, workout (not just cardio either. You need some muscle so learn how to lift weights), find a hairstyle that enhances your face and keep it long, stand up straight (This is hard. Women, as a whole, slouch and it’s not attractive. Try standing up straight and you automatically set yourself on a different level than most women. It takes some time to get used to and your back muscles will likely even get sore after a while, but keep it up. It changes your entire look), find some feminine clothes that fit. Those baggy sweaters are comfortable, sure (Your talking to the queen of baggy sweaters here. While in college, I had friends be sincerely surprised at how thin I was because I always wore baggy sweaters. You can dress in a feminine way without looking promiscuous) but they hide your best features. Same with sweatpants. Don’t do it.
Find someone that you trust to help you out with all of this if you need it. Someone whom you trust to tell you the truth about how you look and what needs to change. You would be surprised at how much some women in some department stores love to help women out, as well. Some stores will even give you an appointment to help with your wardrobe and I know that they would give makeup and hair opinions as well.
Learn to Cook
Look, cooking is not hard. It’s really not. It simply takes practice like anything else you set out to learn. If you learned to play the clarinet in highschool, you can learn to cook. You are going to make mistakes. I daresay, a good cook has to make mistakes to become that good cook. You aren’t going to learn the hotspots of your stove, pans, and oven without mistakes. You’re not going to learn how to cook a rare or well done steak without making mistakes and you’re also never going to learn what you love in a recipe and what you hate without making mistakes. If you burn one meal, figure out why (heat too high? didn’t flip soon enough? wrong pan? etcetera) and then next time make the fix. A woman doesn’t become a good cook over night. It is something she has learned by making many, many mistakes and learning why so she doesn’t make them again. Don’t be scared to cook because you are afraid of doing it wrong. You will do it wrong, but you won’t make the same mistake next time.
If you can cook, but you have this idea in your head that you shouldn’t have to for a man because he should cook for himself then don’t be surprised if a man passes you for someone else. This idea that a wife caring for a man has somehow become a mother to him is beyond absurd. A woman goes into a marriage expecting security and comfort from her husband. There is no reason that a man shouldn’t expect the same from his wife. Men love food. It brings them comfort in a way that few other things can. If you aren’t willing to provide this comfort, then you cannot be upset that he settles down with another woman who will. (Also, ladies, make man-food for your husband. Maybe not every night, but from time to time, trust me, he needs it. I will be going into this further in an upcoming post).
Be Sweet
A man doesn’t want to marry his boss. He already has one of those or is one most days of the year. He wants a woman who is pleasant, who asks for things rather than demands them and who speaks in a respectful tone of voice. Don’t nag. It’s unbecoming and it’s annoying. If you married a very masculine man you aren’t going to get anywhere with it anyway as he will ignore you, laugh in your face, or tell you, in no uncertain way, to knock it off. You will get more with honey than with vinegar.
Know your value
Commenter Carlotta at Alpha Game explained this to her daughters in an excellent way:
I showed them some jewelery that I was saving for them to wear on special occasions when they are older. I then told them that they had to wait to wear it, but every single other person I could find would get to wear it, break it, steal a piece and throw it in the mud…but eventually they would get the diamond necklace.
Neither wanted it.
“Good, that is how a good man will feel about a women who has let every Tom, Dick and Harry feel up her goods around town.”
Message received.
Feminism may teach that women can be promiscuous like a man without consequences. That doesn’t make it true. Men want to marry the gem with the highest clarity. If you wish to marry, decide at a young age and keep your necklace gleaming. It won’t be easy and no one can guarantee you will marry because you waited. This is what men want from a wife, however, and it is a gift worth giving. You, your marriage, and your husband will benefit from it.
Be Loyal
You need to demonstrate loyalty. Marriage is a loosing proposition for men both legally and in what women are currently bringing to the table. You can’t singlehandedly change the legalities of marriage but you can demonstrate loyalty. If all your girlfriends are going for a girls night out to a bar, tell them no. Do not flirt with other men. Make it clear that you understand the risk of marriage by being open to a prenup and/or a marriage that wouldn’t be considered legal (a religious ceremony only). Don’t make the wedding a big deal and be fine with just a wedding band or a ring from a pawn shop. This shows loyalty in that you are making it clear you are in this for a marriage and not a wedding. The wedding day is a couple of hours of flowers and a pretty dress. The only truly important thing about it are the vows. The marriage is for life and you need to know this in your bones when you say the vows. They are taken to last a lifetime.
Be Warm and Compassionate
You need to do this by keeping a warm and inviting home, but more than that you have to be warm and inviting yourself. Figure out the difference of when something needs to be said about something your husband might have done and when to simply let it go. If he comes home from a crummy day at work and snaps at you, let it go. It’s work talking and not your husband. There is no reason to draw attention to it. Give him some time to relax and say nothing about it (don’t draw attention to it through your behavior, either. Move on like nothing happened). If something more serious is going on and it needs to be address, address it in a calm and direct manner. You both can’t deal with it if you are changing the subject to something else, yelling, crying, etcetera. Deal with that one thing and move on. Also, and this is big, once it’s been dealt with, it’s over. It is not fodder to bring up another time to throw in his face. It’s in the past. Leave it there.
Be Fun
Men love to be around women who like to have fun and who laugh a lot. Don’t fake giggle to draw attention, but have a good time and laugh like you mean it.
Give Him Respect
You need to respect your man and you need to feel it down to your toes. This is not the same as feeling comfortable in his warmth and security. This respect can actually be a little uncomfortable. With this respect comes the knowledge that you will do things for him that might make you very uncomfortable. Things like not calling him out in public even if you feel embarrassed or angry, not saying bad things about him to your girlfriends when they are saying awful things about their men, doing something that he has requested you do even though your friends and family may disagree. Respect is key in a strong marriage and it’s not always warm and fuzzy.
Be Appreciative
Just as you will be sacrificing things to be in a marriage, realize that so will he. Very likely, he will be sacrificing more than you in many cases. Notice what he does for you, what he has given up, and what he is giving. Thank him for it! Don’t do it just once, either. It’s not something that should be done everyday as it would get annoying, but every once in a while take a moment and think about what he is doing for you and tell him that you have noticed. Leave a note in his briefcase, make him his favorite meal, or buy a beautiful nightgown. It’s important that you realize what he’s doing and that he knows you realize it.
Be Affectionate
When a man has decided he wants to be in a relationship, things change for him. Most men are perfectly capable of having no string attached sex, but once they enter into a relationship sex and physical affection become necessary. Touch is how a great deal of men understand love. Never, ever withhold sex or your affection and use it to purchase what you want. There are a few occasions that Athol would go into at his site where this might be wise, but those reasons are few and far between. If you want the porch fixed, for goodness sake, don’t tell him you are not going to sleep with him until it’s done. Your love and affection are not up for sale and are not a bargaining chip. He deserves them because he is your husband.
Be Supportive
A husband needs and deserves his wife’s support. He needs it to get through a tough spell at work, to get through a death in the family, to get through sickness, job loss and a thousand other big and little things that he might go through. Be there for him, always.
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I realize that there are probably more things that I could discuss, but these really get at the heart of what men want and deserve from a wife. A good marriage is not a one way street where it simply falls into a woman’s lap and she ends up with a ring on her finger. It is something that must be worked at before, during and after the wedding. It is something that must be worked at until death during the hard times and during the good times. Things going smoothly does not mean that it’s time to let go and become complacent. It means that it’s time to figure out how to make it even better.
On the Rock 
I was right there with you till I read “pawn shop.” LOL
Very nice, Stingray.
Ha ha!
Gentlemen, if you go the pawn shop route I have one simple request, clean the ring. Clean it very, very well.
Sting:
This is awesome. AWESOME. Please let me give a man’s perspective.
Be BEAUTIFUL: Ladies, this is important. We are with you because we think you are hot. Your hotness is the main reason your man noticed you and worked up the balls to talk to you. Sorry, but your looks are the main reason you are together today. Please do the best you can with what you have.
This is not terribly difficult. Men’s attraction filters are much, much wider than women’s are. We men find many, many more women physically attractive than women find men physically attractive. So the bar for being pretty is really not very high. You do NOT have to be model-beautiful.
The secret? Keep your weight down, your hair long and your makeup on. Of these three, the most important is your weight. You don’t have to be a fitness instructor with washboard abs. You just have to be not morbidly obese.
LEARN HOW TO COOK: Dammit, I can’t afford to take us out every night. I don’t want to eat TV dinners or frozen fried chicken or frozen pizza all the time, either. When we have kids I don’t want them getting fat and out of shape on processed food. When you cook for me it shows me that you care about me. It also shows me that you can be responsible and that you can manage a household on what we have.
BE SWEET: Be nice to me. Don’t be a bitch to me. I have spent all day fighting with others. I have spent all day in conflict. I don’t need it when I get home. Gently telling me what you need is fine. Urgently telling me about a pressing need is fine. Telling me we do need to make a decision is fine. But don’t nag me, pester me, or complain at me. Don’t remind me about the last time I made a mistake about it. I remember. I don’t need you throwing it in my face.
KNOW YOUR VALUE: I deserve a woman who keeps herself to me and is discreet. I don’t need batshit crazy or neuroses. If you have “issues” with substances or because Daddy didn’t give you enough attention, please get that dealt with BEFORE you say “I do”. I don’t want to be here simply because Alpha McGorgeous or Harley McBadboy or F**kbuddy Rockbanddrummer wouldn’t marry you. I don’t need a woman who brings an entire department store’s worth of baggage into a relationship. We don’t have time to deal with that shit. I am not a therapist, a rescue worker, an insurance policy, or a backup plan.
BE LOYAL: I am giving up my freedom and my ability to date other women. I am giving up my freedom to spend my money the way I want, and am limiting my options. I am risking my emotional and financial future on a venture that has a 1 in 2 chance of failure. I am risking the well-being of my future children in large part on you, your character, and your conduct. The stakes are incredibly high. The least you can do is show me loyalty. If you flirt with other men or trashtalk me, I will question your commitment to this relationship.
BE WARM AND COMPASSIONATE: I spend a lot of time listening to you vomit your emotions all over me. I am patient with your moods and your PMS. Please give me some grace when I have had a crappy day. When I kiss you, return it. When I want to touch you, let me do it. If you refuse my advances, I read this as you saying to me “I do not love you. I do not care about your wants and needs. You are not important to me.”
BE FUN: Have a cheery disposition and an optimistic outlook. No man wants to be with a wet blanket. Sarcasm, pessimism, and vulgarity are just about the most unattractive qualities a woman can display. Don’t. Just don’t.
GIVE HIM RESPECT: If you expect me to be responsible, you must not interfere with my exercise of the authority necessary to execute those responsibilities. If you expect me to be the head of the household, I must have the powers and authority necessary to carry it out. That means I am the captain, and you are the first officer.
If you want my protection, you need to trust me to provide it in the way I see fit.
If you want my provision, you need to trust me to do the best I can to get it to you.
Do not question my authority or second-guess me in front of the kids. If you need to do it, do so privately. Do not ever, ever disrespect me in front of anyone else. Ever. Whether I am there or not, whether I am in earshot or not. Do not trashtalk me to the kids, my friends, your friends, our friends, your parents or my parents. Ever. This kind of conduct will create seething resentment and distrust on my part. I will be unable to trust you with my money, my confidences and my secrets.
If we disagree on a fundamental issue, and we cannot resolve it, I will break the tie and we will do it the way I see fit. I need you to submit to my leadership and headship. When I am wrong (and I will be wrong sometimes), I need for you to accept it and lovingly, gently point out where I was wrong.
cont’d below……
BE APPRECIATIVE: Few things would annoy and demoralize me more than a shrewish, entitled, harpy bitch who doesn’t appreciate me. I break my ass for us. I tolerate much, sacrifice much, and gave up much so you and the children won’t have to. I work a job that pays well but I don’t like very much some days. I tolerate conflict, fights, stress, office politics, backbiting, deadlines and punishing schedules. I mediate conflicts at home, discipline the kids, and repair whatever needs repairing. The least you could do is say “thanks”. Make a meal that I would like sometimes. Wear that dress I like sometimes. Do your hair in a style I like sometimes.
BE AFFECTIONATE: This is a biggie, ladies. I got married for sexual availability. Sex is the defining characteristic of a marriage. It is the one thing I am not allowed to do outside this marriage. As such, you need to be sexually available. Please don’t tell me you “won’t do that” because “nice girls don’t do THAT”. Please keep an open mind sexually. Please initiate sometimes. Please return my affections and don’t pull away from me. If you refuse my advances, I will interpret this as “I do not love you. Your wants and needs are not important to me. My wants and needs are more important than yours.”
I will consider withholding sex or otherwise using sex as a weapon to be an adversarial act which is incompatible with a relationship and marriage. I will not beg or plead for sex from you, nor will I negotiate with you for your affections. As your husband I am entitled to your affections, and I am EXCLUSIVELY entitled to them. Be advised: If you withhold sex, I will consider it to be marital abandonment and grounds for divorce. If you withhold sex, I will consider this to be a breach of the marital contract and a deliberate shirking of your obligations. If you withhold sex, I will concomitantly withhold my commitment to the marriage.
BE SUPPORTIVE: I need to know that you have my back. I need to know that you’ll be there when I need you. I need to know I can count on you and that whatever we decide we need to do, you’ll back me up. I need to know we can present a united front to the kids.
Deti,
Thank you very much for your comments. I knew I couldn’t get in everything that needed to be said and you filled in the gaps wonderfully.
Now, let’s contrast the quick fling. Here’s how the cad and even the player see you ladies if you present yourselves for a one night stand.
Be beautiful? Hell, you don’t need to be beautiful. You just need a functioning vagina and a pulse. I don’t really care what you look like as long as you’re not repulsive. It will help if you are hot, though. Wear clothes that reveal as much as possible. Do your best to look like a slut.
Learn how to cook? I won’t be sticking around long enough to know or care whether you can cook or not. We won’t be spending much more time together than it takes for us to have sex.
Be sweet? I don’t care if you’re sweet or not; I don’t care anything at all about your personality. I am not having sex with your personality. You can be a bitch or a nice church girl for all I care.
Be loyal? I have no illusions about that. I know this isn’t your first rodeo; I know you’ve been around the block more than a few times. If you gave it up this easy for me, I know you’ve given it up easily before — many times before. Besides, I have absolutely no intention of being loyal to you.
BE warm and compassionate? Don’t care. Just be passionate about the sex. Don’t care about your personal warmth and approachability. I saw your bitch shields go up around all the other men, so I know you’re not.
Be fun? Yeah, I am down with that. Please be fun.
Give him respect? I don’t care if you respect me or not. I’m just here for the sex.
Be appreciative? It would be nice but it really doesn’t matter. I won’t be here long enough for you to appreciate me.
Be affectionate? Yes, during the sex. Afterwards, I don’t care.
Be supportive? Don’t care about this either.
Wow, great article! And so thorough!! 🙂
I have always felt the cooking idea was old fashioned, as is expecting security and comfort from a man. I’m not into male/female roles. I’m more into each person doing everything equally, which includes cooking, cleaning, working, paying rent and bills, as well as providing love, support, respect, comfort, and security.
Ashley:
It’s really more division of responsibility, if you ask me. For example, my sister’s husband does all the cooking and she does the finances. But in my marriage my wife does all the cooking and I do the finances.
Not everything is equal in a marriage. There really is no such thing as a completely equal marriage. In every relationship between two people, one person is dominant, the other is submissive. In a marriage, it works best when the man is dominant and the woman is submissive.
Deti, I guess you could say this is an issue I currently struggle with.I don’t like being submissive but I don’t like to feel like I am doing all of the work either. I know things can never be perfectly equal, but I try to make it as much as possible. Otherwise, when I submit, I feel like I am being controlled but if I become too dominant, I feel like I am doing all the work and being a parent in a relationship.
Ashley:
You don’t really understand dominance and submission in a male-female relationship. If you feel controlled when you submit, you’re not doing it right. And you should never, never be dominant. You feel like a parent and you’re doing all the work when you’re the dominant partner, because you should not be dominant. You’re not suited to it.
Dominance does not mean he controls everything she does. It is more of a frame or a mindset. Dominance is not intended to be a tool for micromanaging a woman’s life. It is not insisting that she be a doormat and allow him to walk all over her.
Submission does not mean she is a doormat and simply caves in to his every demand. It means he leads, she follows.
Submitting shouldn’t feel like being controlled. If it does, it could be a sign you don’t truly respect the person you’re with. If you did, it would be easier to submit. Or else, you might need a femorcism (feminism exorcism). Just stay put. This won’t hurt a bit 🙂
I don’t understand why a woman can’t lead a man, if both are ok with it.
Being submissive is not about being controlled, it’s about letting go. I wish I could describe it better than that, but right now I can’t think of a better wording. It’s about giving utter trust in another person to do what is right for the both of you and/or your marriage. Being controlled would imply there is not trust and there would be some kind of a struggle in order to wrestle the control back. Submitting is more of a relinquishing.
In the vast majority of male/female relationships a woman cannot lead a man because she will resent him for it. The instances of both truly being OK with this are incredibly slim. The difficulty lies in that the woman will be resentful of the man, but won’t truly understand why. She just knows she’s unhappy with the marriage and with her husband.
Valerie,
Thanks for commenting and I am glad that you liked it.
Deti,
I somehow missed your cad checklist and I just saw it. Yep. The disturbing thing is, unless Alpha McGorgeous is an out and out liar it’s incredibly easy to spot him. He’s up front with what he wants and what his expectations are. I have to wonder how many women really think he is going to somehow change for them and commit? When he is getting from the girl exactly what he wants, why should he change? What is his incentive?
Excellent article and follow-up from deti. A few of my worthless comments:
Learn how to apply makeup and enhance your best features YES! NOTE – makeup is meant to enhance NOT transform. Leave the trowel in the shed.
Dresses are beautiful and feminine. Perhaps we can’t turn the clock back, but at least be aware of the history of modern fashions and how they were pushed on to the public – on to women. http://www.tanbooks.com/doct/dressing.htm
Try standing up straight I take it, mothers are not starting their teen daughters walking while balancing a book on their head? Good thing to try. (And let’s not talk about the teen boys who look like hunched over, caved-in old men; this is an article about females!)
Cooking? They used to say ‘the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”. Yeah, OK a cliche but there’s a lot of truth to it.
Also, ladies, make man-food for your husband. Can’t wait to see your follow-up, but yes, the nutritional needs of men and women are not the same.
Being a bachelor, some guys at work see me as Father Confessor. The one thing I hear that is overwhelmingly sad is when a guy says he can’t stand to go home. I’ve heard it a lot. Ladies – make your domicile, even if it’s only a 1 room apartment, a HOME, his castle, so he can’t wait to get home and return to YOU when he leaves work.
Great list! It’s hard to do ALL of these things, but it’s good to be reminded of them again. It’d be kind of fun to gather all of the “what makes a good wife” lists from the manosphere and compile them together, it certainly is a worthy topic. I heard a great tip that you should ask your man what one thing you could do during the day that you’re not doing that he would appreciate. It helps to figure out what’s really important to him. Most of them just want you to be cheerful when they get home from work.
Stingray
Im reading on my phone, so I can’t see your header, but you should edit your menus so that all these directly addressing how to be a good wife show up under a label up top. Something like “Charm School” or relating to being a wife. Love it.
Deti
Brilliant. Laughed all through your cad contrast.
Ashley
Like others said, its rare for a man and woman to either be perfectly equal or woman leading the man. I’d guess that maybe, MAYBE, 5% of all relationships work like that.But those are the relationships currently displayed and lionized by current media, as well as homosexual relationships. I have nothing against them – WHEN THEY WORK. But seeing ONLY those as roll models and being told thats how we should behave is messing up men and women both.
Its not that the traditional rolls need to be strictly adhered to. Its that the man should be the leader and be trusted as such EVEN IN AREAS OUTSIDE HIS EXPERTISE. He will take her more informed opinions and rhen make decisions based on them that will affect the family unit in other ways. In the above example someone switchdd cooking and finances. But I bet the male is still the leader on decisions, she gives imput and then assists in making it happen.
Thats how a good, masculine leader leads in a dominant/submissive relationship.
Brace yourselves, I’ll look into the matter from another perspective. I have posted before and I’m all for good wives and stable households, however…I kinda get Ashley, and here’s a nastier version.
The above steps, taken with the idea that they will somehow produce something greater than the sum of their parts, are a sure-fire recipe for neurosis. And I’m not talking only about the Betty Friedan type of neurosis for the woman, suffering an unknown psychic malaise and even a rash. The man of such a woman is also in for bitter disappointment and madness- but the woman, more so, because the man may be still free to explore a larger reality, that large, regal reality that is the inheritance of true human nature.
I recall a True Blood episode of hilarious farce as the courtship between Hoyt and what’shername Miss Perfect unfolded…there you have your pretty, kind, cooking wife. You should add to the list- tame the potential mother-in-law.
And, granted that women also possess a fully human nature, I am a little bit iffy on the issue that a woman should be content to play out merely a feminine nature. That this is what she would want of life, that single, precious life. To make her choose a path still as a teen means she will see the path of a lifetime in a childish way, and solidify her childishness. She will remain forever infantile- and many psychologists note that a lot of women remain infantile, despite the skill and adjustment, despite the marriage. Wasn’t Hoyt’s whatshername just a child in a pretty grown-up body?
Man is made for bigger things, and when it comes to cooking, a woman may have a bigger fish to fry. Granted, this is very rare, so mostly don’t be frumpy and grumpy, but realize that the above list may be heaven or the worst kind of hell.
All in all, the more time I spend with the Red Pill culture, the more childish it seems, and especially infantillizing to women. Man (as in human being) should not be pleased by such small things. For sure, do live prettily and decently, but make no mistake, this is not your nature, your mission, it can only be a play, a stop along the way. It cannot make your life meaningful, it cannot keep existential horror at bay.
So, let’s say you live out your wifey thing, is it enough to make you state, if I die tomorrow, I would have lived fully? I would have been honest with others and with myself?
The above are technicalities. They should not even be mentioned explicitly.
Honestly, isn’t all this Red Pill thing depressing you? Does it not seem unreal at times? Not enough?
“I don’t understand why a woman can’t lead a man, if both are ok with it.”
If it works sexualy for them then go ahead. The problem is it just does not do that in 99.9% of cases. It reduces sexual polarity. Ask the women over at Athols how they felt in the phases of their relationships when they where the dominant ones. THe answer is horrible and angry with their husbands.
This post can be summed up in the following three points. All a woman has to do to get a husband is to follow these three simple rules:
1. Don’t slut around.
2. Don’t get fat.
3. Don’t be a bitch.
That’s really all you have to do. Surely most women can manage this.
Hipparchia:
I’m not really sure I understand your point. You seem to be saying (correct me if I am wrong) that a woman who does the things Stingray suggests on being a wife will leave a woman empty and unfulfilled, saying “Is this all there is” while the man lives a full life and possibly cheats on her. You also seem to be saying the “red pill” information is depressing, inauthentic and insufficient.
You seem to be saying women cannot be fulfilled living with their primary focus as wives and mothers. The problem with your argument is that we’ve tried it your way and Betty Friedan’s way and it’s not working. If anything, it’s worse.
We are now well into a second generation of women doing everything but living as wives and mothers. We have millions of women who have “careers” and have delayed marriage as long as possible. They are frivolously divorcing husbands for unhaaaaaappiness. They are feeding their own children to the divorce meat grinder. We have millions of women having sex with the most attractive men they can find. We have many many women being willing to live as members of soft harems or hopping from man to man in pump and dumps or relationships lasting a few months or less. And these women do nothing but complain about how miserable their lives are. I hear nothing but how their jobs are soooooo HAAAAARRD; how they are pulling 18 hour days with work and childcare and taking care of a house and how they don’t have any help.
I thought all this was supposed to make women happier. It’s not. Hardly a week goes by without some article by a woman wailing about “where are all the good men” or “I can’t find a good man to marry me” or “I’m 39, single, no kids, and I wanna get married and have a baby NOW NOW NOW but I can’t find a man.” Or there are articles and blogs about post-marital spinsters — women who divorced their good husbands thinking a hotter, richer, better man was just around the corner; hoping for their own personal “Eat Pray Love” story or about Stella getting her groove back. But somehow that great new guy never materializes or sticks around.
I hear nothing but complaining from these women about how it is that Alpha McGorgeous or Harley McBadboy or F**kbuddy Rockbanddrummer done them wrong and won’t pay child support and won’t help her and wouldn’t marry her. Or maybe it’s boring Eddie Steadyman, who she married after five years of riding the cock carousel and divorced him after 7 years of marriage and 2 kids because he’s booooorrrrring and she just wasn’t attracted to him, and she was unhaaaaaappy because they don’t go to Florida for vacation and he’s always working and he never helps her and he’s gained 30 pounds and has lost some of his hair, and he’s just not good looking anymore, and he doesn’t make her haaaappy.
The way it looks to me, women are notoriously bad at figuring out their feelings, why they feel the way they do, and what to do about it. Most women need men to stabilize them and keep their feet on the ground. Is this depressing? Yes, to a man like me who was told falsely that women are just men who can have babies. It’s not true at all. Women don’t think like men, don’t process information or feelings like men, and don’t solve problems like men.
🙂 i’d add: keep the communication simple. The simpler, the better your man will understand and want to share.
Deti, so men can sleep around, get fat, and be jerks and all can be well with a relationship? But if a woman does, it’s the end?
Ashley,
In all seriousness, how did you take what deti has been saying to mean a man can be fat, lazy and a jerk?
Carnivore,
While the man food post won’t be considered fully paleo, it will still hopefully be good.
Ashley:
You’re being intentionally obtuse. You know that’s not what I meant.
I was talking about what a single woman should be to make herself attractive and acceptable as a wife.
The reciprocal obligations a man should have if he wants to get a wife would be:
1. Have a job.
2. Have a life independent of your woman.
3. Don’t let her run things.
But, yeah, if a man standing up for himself and not putting up with shit from his girlfriend or wife means he is “being a jerk”, then I guess he needs to (sometimes) be a jerk.
Sis,
I can be hard to do all of these things all of the time, but it does become easier. I have a serious advantage in that I don’t work. I do keep that in mind when I write these posts but often don’t say so because each couple needs to make adjustments to their own situation for all of this stuff.
Is there something specific that you find difficulty with? My biggest problem right now is the dressing feminine and being pretty part. It’s getting cold and damp and I have not felt well in more than two months (terrible and unusual allergies) so my go to is jeans and big sweaters for comfort and warmth. Maritus is very understanding because he knows most days I just don’t feel very well and that I will try harder when I do (He has always been understanding about my jeans and sweater habit. He’s asked me to dress nicer for years. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until I started reading around these parts that I understood why). That’s the key I think, each spouse should have expectations but be understanding within these expectations.
Leap,
I’ll see what I can do. It’ll take a couple of days given that my kids are jumping off the walls about tonight. 😉
If all a woman wants is a sex partner, all she has to do is:
1. Have basic life functions (brain function, respiration, pulse).
2. Have a functioning vagina.
If a man wants a sex partner, he must:
1. Be attractive enough in some way to attract a woman sufficiently to want to have sex with him.
2. Display that attractiveness where that woman is located.
3. Not do anything that smacks of beta.
4. Do everything exactly right to trip her attraction triggers and avoid beta-ing out.
5. Approach at exactly the right time in the right way.
6. Escalate sexually at a rate acceptable to her.
Woman getting sex — easy easy easy.
Man getting sex — very, very difficult.
Most women have no clue what “respect” actually means from a man’s perspective. I found this post helpful: http://peacefulwife.com/101-ways-to-show-respect-to-your-husband/
What I stated above is not all there is to being a wife, mother and woman.
Why? Why can a wife not explore these things as well? College and career and not the only places to explore life. I would argue they are, in fact, terrible places to explore life.
Again, why? How is having a feminine nature and pursuing life as a wife being infantile? Being a wife does not mean one cannot fully experience life, learning, and exploration of human nature. College, career, and whatnot are not the sum of human existence and learning. I wrote more about it here.
😉 Why? Men and women are both please by big and small things. I would argue these things are not small at all. They are very important in bringing comfort and security to a husband just as a man provides comfort and security in his masculinity. What he provides is big. What you find small about these things is that they don’t require a degree, intelligence, muscular strength . . . does that mean they are any less important?
The above is not all there is to being a wife. Assuming you are asking me personally, given my life as a wife and given my life as a mother, yes. Unequivocally, I have lived fully and I have a lot more of it to live.
You say the above are technicalities and they should not have to be mentioned. They shouldn’t have to only if women knew this stuff. But most don’t. Should is not the same as is. They have to be mentioned because so many women don’t know anything about this stuff any more.
Yes, it did at first. It did seem unreal at times to. I later realized that just because it felt unreal to me, didn’t make it so. Also, it doesn’t seem like enough because we don’t talk about the outliers. We talk in generalities at the very basic level about women and it makes us uncomfortable. Again, that doesn’t mean it’s not all true.
Xclampa,
Good point. Not necessarily simple, but direct. Men want to solve problems, not discuss the intricacies behind them.
Good list 🙂 I don’t disagree with anything. Except perhaps the appreciation thing. Not saying one shouldn’t be appreciative. But I lately found the idea of being in a relationship that meant huge sacrifice for the man as not being for me. If he rationally chose, then it means he sacrificed something smaller for something bigger. He got what he wanted and paid the price that he thought was reasonable, which makes me think it wasn’t such a sacrifice after all. However, if it really WAS a major sacrifice, then it means he overpaid. Why would someone overpay? I can only think it’s because out of guilt/he “did the right thing”.Or he didn’t realize he was overpaying, and is possibly regretting it right now. And the divorce being the way it is, it’s cheaper for him not to leave. Then, being married, a woman can’t know if he’s just there out of fear, or out of love (at least, for a paranoid mind like mine it would be). Plus the felling of being a burden to someone you love might get strong. I think I found a reason not to marry… for women.
Ok, sorry for doom and gloom. On a funny note, the discussion of submission/dominance made me remember something funny that sometimes happens in my relationship. Thing is, we can get slightly indecisive and not sure what to do next. Once we were invited to do a radio thing, and he woke me up asking if we should do it or not. The conversation was something like this:
Me: “You’re effectively making me decide for both of us!”
Him: “No I’m not 🙂 I already decided for myself – I’ll go if you go”
In the end, I said “yes” and we went. Lol. But really, sometimes I have the final say in decisions concerning both of us, and sometimes it’s him. Frankly it’s often a task that gets passed around between us like a hot potato before a decision happens. I know many women wouldn’t like it, but I find it funny and enjoy it. So I guess “equal” relationships where people decide equally much can happen.
Hipparchia,
You bring up some awesome topics, and some I agree with and others disagree.
Agree:
That choosing your path at 13 might be impossible. I remember myself at 13, what a mess there was in my head. Didn’t know who I was. I think I only got to the point of knowing what I’m made for around 20. But to agree with Stingray (or at least what I THINK she might be thinking), I didn’t need to hop on 20 cocks to get to know myself. Judging from whose who did it, the knowledge you get from that activity is limited in its usefullness.
Disagree:
When you talk of how meaningless the list makes life of a woman. It seems at least, what you imply. It’s seems very much like reading Simone de Beauvoir. That people find meaning in life through projects, and simply making a family and babies can’t make one fulfilled. But I say family-building is a worthy project, giving many people (not just women, even) a sense of meaning. Those signs of caring one gives to a man are meaningful to ME, at least. One of the biggest reasons why I do those “bigger things” you talk about is to achieve something nice for those few loved ones. But that is me, it’s not you.
The point is, what we find meaningful is subjective.
And, you are not barred from reading and thinking about the big questions in the world if you follow that list. I do all of those things. At the same time, I learn a lot, and create art (my choice in the list of “bigger things” to do 🙂 ).
@ Hipparchia
“That this is what she would want of life, that single, precious life. To make her choose a path still as a teen means she will see the path of a lifetime in a childish way, and solidify her childishness. She will remain forever infantile- and many psychologists note that a lot of women remain infantile, despite the skill and adjustment, despite the marriage.”
What is so special about climbing a career ladder and jumping through hoops that it automatically makes a woman mature, wise, and satisfied for following someone elses guidelines simply to make money? Why do you think that marriage would keep someone infantile? Would not the protection and shelter of a man, while raising children, allow her to pursue feminine growth? The ability to keep a home. To raise children. To love and be loved. Seems to me like that would be less infantile but simply a form of strength that is soft and feminine.
It really is a crime that feminism has painted femininity to be ‘infantile’.
“Man (as in human being) should not be pleased by such small things. For sure, do live prettily and decently, but make no mistake, this is not your nature, your mission, it can only be a play, a stop along the way. It cannot make your life meaningful, it cannot keep existential horror at bay.”
Now you’re just being over romanticizing and melodramatic. If you want to get into existentialism, NOTHING would hold that at bay besides a belief in religion and an afterlife. That you can equate any sort of worldly achievement as holding off a freaking depressing as hell reality that everything on this world will eventually turn to dust seems both shallow and short sighted to me. If you want to boil it down, there are really only two options for why you’d want to do the things you do on this earth.
For the non-religious: You’re here to find satisfaction of some sort. To maximize your enjoyment in life. Whether that means a hedonistic life, a life of exploring, discovery, scientific experiments, sports, competition, building an empire, enslaving/killing others, or raising a family. The satisfaction is all. Because you only have one life and then your existence ends; so to hell with the world.
For the religious: You’re here to live a meaningful life while advancing the cause of your religion. You avoid the immediate pleasures for whatever reason your religion states. Most religions promise a greater satisfaction over a lifelong time period anyways. Nearly all of them also promise an afterlife of some sort as well.
Each of these involve a goal, or a mission. One is self absorbed in what the world can give you, one is a knowledge of self and what you have to give the world.
Under the former, the non-religious, why would any man want to shackle himself to a woman? Especially an American woman. Much easier and more satisfying to either expat, bring a woman to the US, or pay a woman to have your child and raise it as a single father. It’s a bleak world for women in this one, but men have more to gain. Enjoy your 40-60 hour work week to get the things you want as a woman, while I enjoy a 15-20 hour work week to get the things I want.as a man
Under the second, the religious, men are called to build a family. To make themselves a godly kingdom as a worthy cause even if it is a marred reflection of the kingdom of heaven. Enjoy your stay at home mom work while I go bust my ass for 40-60 hours to provide the family the amount of happiness that gives me satisfaction and allows me the ability to EXPECT to come home to a SOFT AND REWARDING environment for my sacrifices.
…Being a Husband?
There is no “how to be a man, or husband” in the blogosphere [athol does I know] but nothing as strong and concise as this post was in my opinon
Whenever I’ve read your stuff in the past and now I always wonder how is your submission and commitment “inspired” in you by your husband, especially when commitment from a woman seems to be a myth.
Even though your choices and actions as a woman and wife are your own they are still a reflection “about” your husband.
For example what are the correlations i.e…
-What is the equivalent of being beautiful, sweet, loyal, cooking and such for a man?
-If women often don’t realize how important sex and physical touch is to a man what do men not realize is equally as important to women and so on?
Hopefully this is something you’d consider blogging or commenting about or one of the great commenter’s might want to chime in on.
@ Me
It’s pretty well covered. Hell, even Roissy’s post today covered relationship game. But it won’t ever be anything all that concise. Basically, a husband has to trigger all her long term AND short term attraction triggers, which are far more numerous than a man’s attraction triggers.
Basically, walk the knife edge of attractive physically and in personality enough to have a one night stand with while also supportive enough to have a relationship with. So good looking, dominant, confident, knows what he wants. And then supportive enough to raise a kid with. Have money, lead, protect, sacrifice.
Have fun.
“walk the knife edge”
Yep. So damn frustrating. You’ve got to be hot enough to be attractive and f**kable to other women. But you have to be nice enough not to do what you and she know you could do.
If you’re too confident, you’re a cocky, arrogant ass. If you’re not confident enough, you’re a wimpy pussyboy.
If you’re too dominant, you’re a domineering, controlling ass. If you’re not dominant enough, you’re a worthless, weak doormat.
You have to work out to keep your weight down, and still have time to rub her feet. You have to make enough money to support you and her and kids; but still have time to make dinner at home at 6:00.
Knife’s edge, indeed.
Yup, Exactly right Deti.
And I know you know this, but for Me I’ll point it out.
@ Me
This is exceptionally hard in this day and age for two reasons. Biology and society. The first thing a husband MUST DO is satisfy her biological needs to find a sexy husband. Normally, after that, any husband simply willing to stick around would also satisfy her biological needs for a provider as well. Even if he wasn’t the best provider, the genes came first. Society for most of human history actually supported this, as it knew it would help the raising of children. Or rather, if it wasn’t a conscious thought it had won the societal evolution game by becoming the dominant way.
In modern society though, the man must also be the PERFECT provider. The issue is that doing so actually GOES AGAINST many of the same traits that make the best genes. Rather than address this, society has said a woman can pursue both through dumping boyfriends, divorcing husbands, or simply cheating whenever she wants. In order to prevent this, a man must know game to satisfy that first need of meeting her need for quality genes. THEN he has to dance those quality genes through the shit storm of wreckage her-i-can feminism is tossing about her conscious mind of what a ‘good man’ -should- be. Which is all based on what feminism says rather than any sort of realistic expectations. Because while biology may be Queen of her decision making process, you can rest assured that what society tells her a man should be will play a factor as well. So you have to flip nearly all the biological attraction triggers that you can ignore many of the ridiculous feminist ones – but you still need to meet a good amount.
Honestly, its hard to say what a husband should be specifically because it varies MUCH MORE due to his own strengths and weaknesses than what makes a good wife. I’d really just advise every man learn game. Read up on leadership, masculinity, and dog training. All will help you.
Thus, dancing the knife edge. In a storm of feminism.
And for the religious – a note.
I include religious text in the category of reading up on leadership. There’s a good wealth of information there for you that’s necessary if you want to be a religious leader of your wife.
Leap and Deti thats exactly the problem, walking the knifes edge certainly feels you’ve given a woman all your power. wouldnt the goal be to NOT walk the knifes edge?
Flip it around: if a wife was not beautiful enough, cooked bad or didnt, didnt have sex ect and a man could leave take the kids and half or more of her money, shed be walking “knifes edge”, its as though “alpha” is a constant life drain effort to avoid to a womans wrath
When I have a woman doing these things for me as Stringray mentioned its because I could care less, to the point of caring less if the woman lived or died, but as I grow older/mature I dont think thats a good long term strategy especially in a marriage
And this is why I hoped there was something more consice, and less dread inducing
@ Me
This is why most men date/marry people at or below their SMV and always have in the past. The problem is that the entitled way that women are raised these days coupled with mass media’s messages and social whoring on facebook/twitter means that women feel like their ranked higher even if they’re not.
Me,
That’s a tough order but I’ll see what I can do. I can tell you that the main checkpoint is that the woman is never the center of the husbands world. Never. That’s why you’ve noticed women doing these things for you when you couldn’t care less. A husband can love his wife completely without her being his center. She will know this and she will respond to it.
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Hipparchia wrote:
Full stop. You unnecessarily discredit yourself by attempting to extract wisdom from an Alan Ball show.
“There you have your pretty, kind, cooking wife”? From a sarcastic show about vampires? Which deliberately satirizes such an ideal as impossible? Your tautologies do not escape us.
You will accuse us of “infantilizing” women, and yet you just described the woman who embraces her “merely … feminine nature” as “solidify[ing] her childishness.”
You misunderstand “Red Pill culture” from top to bottom. If being masculine means being adult, and feminine means being “infantile,” then I can see why you’d characterize your sad sisters as “merely feminine.” I can see why you would want to be a man, and I can even kinda see why you’d imagine men would be attracted to women who dismiss their femininity as childish. But your error is fundamental. Being a woman does not mean being infantile. It means not being manly. It means being indirect, passive, clever, sensitive, observant, and shrewd.
Why are those qualities specifically feminine? Because we have always been able to physically dominate you. We will always be able to physically dominate you. We are too aggressive and direct for our own good. Therefore you can indirectly dominate man through aikido, by avoiding confrontation, by manipulating our physical power through psychological wiles, by giving in to redirect our strength, by cleverly altering our bluster and bravado to your own ends, and most of all, by allowing yourself to be a creature too valuable to risk confronting physically.
You need another dose. Obviously you were fed a placebo.
We are built to dominate. You are built to submit. Those are the cards we have been dealt. Now, you can play those cards carefully and wind up besting all those who play the game, as the most feminine women have done throughout history. But you assure yourself a loss by bluffing, by pretending you are built for manly pursuits. That is like announcing you have the trump card we are looking at in our hand. It is a non-starter. It only works insofar as we will indulge your crude power play for the sake of amusement. You are fooling no one but yourself.
The red pill means staring our relative advantages and disadvantages in the face. Make no mistake, men have deficits and flaws and exploitable habits. But rather than taking advantage of them, you weirdly insist on inverting our nature in name only and then require the world to pretend nothing is amiss. There is only so much playacting a society can do to satisfy your penis envy, but eventually nature has her revenge: Naturam expellas furca, tamen usque recurret. That fact is already being exploited by red-pill men now that the secret is out. And you are skipping through the daisies as though your illusions will hold us in sway forever.
Better that you face the fact that men are made stronger and more decisive than your sex can ever be. Better to awaken to the fact that men are rediscovering their strengths despite a century of propaganda, and begin to act accordingly. Or else your reintroduction to nature will be more unpleasant than you presently imagine.
I say this as a big brother to a little sister, or a father to a daughter, full of patience and mercy. Other men will not be so kind. If I considered your shrewish denial of reality from any other perspective, I would not attempt to persuade you by speech. Rather, I would allow our relative advantages duke it out, and put the lie to your inherited, ideological fantasy, especially because the most deluded women make for the sweetest conquest. The whiplash is all the more pronounced, and experience, after all, is the best teacher.
Matt
Good post. One of the most important attributes of a good wife, I think, is something that is very difficult for most women to do: being truly supportive of a man when he is at his most vulnerable: when he loses his job, suffers a major career crisis, or develops a serious health problem. Many women, I’d even say most women, react by showing fear, losing attraction, and becoming increasingly angry at him. This happens even if the problem is something that was entirely outside his control: say, a job loss because the whole industry went in the tank. So the wife basically is making the crisis harder for him than it would have been if he was on his own.
This syndrome is so common that it seems it has to be basic female wiring, which is very different from the basic male wiring of helping and protecting a mate when she is most vulnerable. It can be overcome at a conscious level by the woman’s own individual moral choice–maybe once upon a time society provided some push in this direction, now it does not. (“You go, girl! Ditch that loser”)
One might think religion would help women avoid this behavior pattern; sometimes it does, but some of the women I’ve seen behave most viciously to their husbands in these situations have considered themselves to be devout Christians.
Stingray-
i recently sold my grandmother’s wedding ring (5cts) for $8,000. IF i could find a woman that fit’s the description you’ve given, i’d fall to me knees and thank God.
but it just ain’t gonna happen, and i don’t even care to look for a partner anymore. women today are just so jaded and their attitudes are so non-conducive for a man to make a LIFETIME commitment too where he stands the chance of being financially raped…..
not i said Dan. i’ll invest the $8k in my hunting camp.
the funny thing is, i was more commitment/relationship minded when i was YOUNGER. now……at 38, i could care less if i have a woman in my life. i have enough game to “eat” when i get get hungry.
that’s enough for me.
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Rhen,
Welcome and thank you for commenting.
I agree with you that it is basic female wiring and it absolutely can be overcome. Only, as you said, it is very hard to overcome these desire when the whole of society is actually encouraging them.
It seems like the problem with some of the dissenters is that they can’t get past this idea of “dominant-good, submissive-bad.” I hate to make a yin-yang analogy, but that’s exactly what it is. You can’t have one without the other, and both are not only necessary, but they’re going to happen whether the two people involved get in the way or not. One person will be dominant, the other will be submissive. It’s impossible to avoid this.
Men and women seem to be happier overall when the man is dominant and the woman is submissive. If anyone sees this as a bad thing, it’s because they need to reevaluate their terms. As a woman, you may be happier being dominant, but you’ll be hard-pressed finding a submissive guy who you can love, enjoy being around, and are attracted to and capable of respecting.
The only thing I would change is that a woman may think she’d be happier being dominant, but when she actually is she resents it. Most of the time, though, she is not really sure where the resentment is coming from.
Fabulous post Stingray! I gotta make it to your blog more often, you have great conversations happening here too.
For the ladies struggling to conceptualize the dominant/submissive idea, I often find it helpful to think of something with much more obvious/less political roles: spooning. At 4’10” and 95 lbs, I am a tiny little girl, and my boyfriend is 6’3″/about 260 lbs. It just isn’t comfortable for either of us for me to be the big spoon, given our sizes. And when you think about the reality that the vast majority of men are larger than the women they date/marry, this rule is going to be somewhat applicable in a more general sense.
It’s the same for dom/sub. The vast majority of women are going to feel more comfortable being a “helpmate” (love that term!), while men are going to feel more comfortable leading. Why force a dynamic that feels, well, forced in the name of something so idealized as “gender equality?”
Thank you, Olive and I am happy to see you here.
I like your analogy with spooning. It very vivid and makes perfect sense. Women aren’t meant to force much of anything. It’s not where our strengths lie.
To the women who have so much trouble with the idea of men being dominant, here is the way I look at it.
If we didn’t have hundreds of laws written specifically to protect you little snowflakes, you would find out very quickly that we ARE the stronger/dominant sex. If the penalties for hitting a woman were the same as hitting a man, I bet women would not pull half of the horrible, hurtful shit they pull.
If the law were truly about “equality” between the sexes, and dis not take gender into account…imagine this scenario.
A man comes home from work after 14 hours of working his ass off to privide for himself and his woman. She says she didn’t get around to cleaning or cooking dinner cause she didn’t feel like it, and now she’s dressed like a slut to go on a “girls night out.”
How much you wanna bet she’s gonna have to put on a LOT more makeup if she wants to cover up the ass whipping she just BEGGED FOR?
Without all of the protections you women havex we would bloody well show you who is dominant. Just saying.
I know it sounds harsh but its true.
And to the commentor who said that the things in the post were “infantile” and “unfulfilling”.
These things are not your entire life. You are not in prison or anything. Consider this. Cleaning a house when I do it, takes about and hour, two hours tops. I leave for work at 5 am. So, house could easily be cleaned by 7. Spend 30 minutes to an hour exercising. Take a shower. By 10am all is well. You could now:
Get online and learn a new language
Write a book
Write a blog. It’s fun.
Plant a vegetable/flower/herb garden
Research topics that interest you
Visit around with other domestic females or have them visit you. Individually or in groups.
Make your own soap and/or candles
My gf is a “housewife.” We go out together almost any day I’m not working. Other couples are always attracted to us. Men tend to enjoy being in my presence. Older couples and couples our age always struke up conversations or vice versa. Just last night I had several men crossing the restraunt to shake hands and talk with me. And my gf networks. Every time I looked around she was exchanging numbers and stories with the guys girlfriends/wives. We both lead fulfilled lives in the traditional relationship roles. It doesn’t have to be limiting.
Danny,
I somehow missed your comment.
I hope you were able to get what that ring was worth. Your hunting camp is going to be amazing.
Exactly. You realize this, other men realize this, but 99.9% of women do not. Men can get along just fine without women and lead a very fulfilled life. Might a wife enhance that? Absolutely, but she’s not needed. Women very much believe that a man needs a wife to be fulfilled and happy. Now that it is being demonstrated by more and more men that women aren’t needed in the way they presume to be, fear is bubbling up. Men want women, feminine women and too many don’t have any idea what that even means. I hope the next generations can learn this and that a few in our generation can as well. Those young girls are going to be looking for teachers.
Dr. Illusion,
Housewives have more of an opportunity than most to expand their lives. I am very grateful that my husband has provided me the opportunity to do so. I am sure your girlfriend feels the same.
I wrote more about this here:
https://verusconditio.wordpress.com/2012/07/25/address-the-problem/
I’ll speak for myself, not Danny. I don’t have my grandmother’s wedding ring, but I do have a few other things of hers that I wanted to pass on to my wife. Do women really understand what a feeling of continuity and family it gives a man to pass along, to his beloved, personal items from previous generations of women in his family? Probably not. Most women can’t even be troubled to take a guy’s surname for their own.
Regarding the job of housewife and being the health nut that I am, preparing healthy meals everyday, day in day out, for a family is not a simple or quick task. I’m talking about cooking from scratch, not taking 10 minutes to heat up some crap in a can or frozen dinner or bringing home an entree from the buffet at Whole Foods. Do I need a woman for that? No, I’m quite capable, but I take the minimalist route by cooking up a lot of healthy food for the entire week on the weekend. That means repetition during the week, of course. But this is one area where a wife can really shine – rovide a variety of healthy meals for her husband and children and doing it on a budget. It takes planning, thought, intelligence and sometimes a sense of adventure (trying something new). But alas, yet again something women can be very good at yet they would rather try imitating men, which they are very bad at.
@Dr. Illusion, women will have absolutely no problem with men being dominant once the house of cards which is most of the world’s economies collapses, once the government is no longer a substitute for men, once ‘call a man’ 911 doesn’t arrive.
Most women do not as they want new. Too often they do not consider the sentimental value attached to a keepsake in a man’s life. Having said that, I apologize if you took offense to my comment above. I didn’t consider how petty it sounded about Danny getting what that ring was worth. I have known for quite some time that he was planning on selling it and why. Do I understand what it would have meant for him to be able to give that to a woman whom he would call wife? I think I do, but since he has decided not to do that I also realize how very important his hunting camp is to him and how much he looks forward to being there. Given the decision he has made, I imagine his grandmother to be very happy that he is investing it’s worth into something else that is so very important to him.
I have always cooked but it has definitely evolved over the past years of our marriage. We have been eating low carb (can’t quite call it paleo) for nearly a year now and we both work out hard (today was my first day back after too long a hiatus. Bleh). I have been quite surprised at how much planning is involved with eating this way. The amount of food Maritus eats and the types of foods he eats really make cooking a new learning experience. What can he take in for his 2-3 daytime meals to work that will taste good cold and still meet his requirements? What are we eating for dinner that is something different than he ate for lunch, still meets his requirements and he is not completely sick of? What is reasonable for the kids that is healthy, they will eat without too much fuss, we all like and still is enough protein? Ok, now I have that figured out for today, what about tomorrow?
I can’t imagine doing all of that over a day on the weekend. Good on you, Sir.
I often wonder about this. What is this going to be like and how many women are going to be accepted back?
No offense taken. My comment was in response to reading Danny’s comment.
I often wonder about this. What is this going to be like and how many women are going to be accepted back?
Think the stadium after Katrina. All the tough, independent, go-grrllll types, for that matter, all the women, were hiding behind the men.
No, the question is not ‘how many women are going to be accepted back’. That’s easy to answer – essentially all of them. The real question is, on what terms? And that totally depends on each individual man.
I’m looking forward to learning more about something Stingray mentioned a while back about “man food.” Is it possible that women are gaining so much weight after marriage because they’re eating “man food?” I’m not joking when I ask that.
Doubtful Kate. From what I’ve seen they gain weight because they simply eat more and exercise less. If anything, they eat less man food – proteins, vegetables, and fruits – than they did before, but more carbs and sugars.
Oh, good.
Though, it appears that my old friend solipsism has returned again. She’s a bugger to avoid sometimes.
@GeishaKate – shhhh!! Fitness secret for women. Don’t let it get out……
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2197591/Woman-53-staggering-FOURTEEN-children-petite-size-8.html
Not from the man food I am thinking of. I think women tend to gain so much weight after marriage because they become too content with their situation and they indulge in too much women comfort food (chocolate, ice cream, etc.)
@Carnivore: LOL OMG that’s a lot of children! Enough to populate a small town. I’m sticking to the stairclimber 🙂 Three husbands. She really must be a dynamo.
Alright, I can’t stand the suspense anymore. What is “man food”? I may be confusing it with “standard American fare.”
Can’t do it, Kate. Sorry. You’ll just have to wait. 😉
Hopefully not too long. My free time lately has been rather erratic so I never know when an idea and time to post will coincide.
Wait? What? Oh, alright 🙂
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“It seems like the problem with some of the dissenters is that they can’t get past this idea of “dominant-good, submissive-bad.”
Well that all depends on how you look at it. A naturally dominant person, male or female, will be happier being dominant and less happy being submissive.
I have heard several people claim now that women being the dominant one in the relationship will lead to her not respecting him, resenting him, etc. There are more than plenty submissive men in this world, and many of them are with dominant females and it works for them. Sometimes some men just aren’t dominant and you can’t train them to be because often, they don’t want to be. Now I don’t know how you guys feel about that kind of a dynamic, but it’s out there and I don’t see anything wrong with it.
SR-
honestly, i could less about what happens with future women. i’ll take care of myself on my own terms. girls come and go like trains. i’ve had more than one female reader tell me it’s the men that SHOULD be starting families AREN’T.
Ash-
do you consider yourself a “dominant” or submissive” woman? in my experience- “dominant” women are the ones that initiate divorce because, “i’m not haaaaaaapeeee.”
the masculine attracts the feminine. argue it all you want; but it’s nature.
my mother is a sub, she left my father after 11 years of marriage due to abuse and alcoholism. ELEVEN YEARS!!!!!! and it was the hardest thing she ever did.
Don’t forget, Ashley, that we are talking about the top of the bell curve when we talk about men and women, not those in the 3rd standard deviation. Those truly dominant women and truly submissive men are not common.
Many of the men that we see that aren’t dominant aren’t so just because, they are that way as that is how they were taught they should be. They were taught to be “nice”. It went contrary to their nature, but they did as they were told as they believed this is what women truly wanted. But it’s not what most women want. Most women are turned on by and respect a strong and confident man. One who displays dominance.
Yes, these are extreme examples, but which man do you find more enticing?
This one or this?
This is so very, very true.
Yep. I can’t wait to hear about your camp.
like i said…….
if i’m hungry, i eat. it’s not that hard when a man knows game. and most girls aren’t that guarded about giving up the va-jay-jay now. i don’t have to put in too much work to get laid. srslee.
do you consider yourself a “dominant” or submissive” woman? in my experience- “dominant” women are the ones that initiate divorce because, “i’m not haaaaaaapeeee.”
I wonder about this, danny. Submissive women may initiate divorce because they can’t stand being in the dominant role. Do you think that could have been the case with your mom?
Kate,
You and Danny are saying the same thing in a different way. It was not the case with his mom. His father was the dominant one.
“Yes, these are extreme examples, but which man do you find more enticing?
This one or this?”
A mixture of both would be perfect. 🙂
Ha! Well played, Ashley!
Just be cognizant that a mixture of both is going to have the man being dominant (not domineering. That is something entirely different) most of the time otherwise we come back to that mothering thing you described. Also, I think each woman needs a different split. For example, I prefer men on the high dominance side. If one is with a man whom is only slightly dominant or not at all, and she does begin to feel like his mother, or that she can’t respect him, or that she resents him, then she likely prefers a more dominant man that she originally thought. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that as it says nothing about a woman’s own strength that she prefers a dominant man. In my experience (and I have seen many others say the same) submissive women tend to be very strong women, they just aren’t overt about it.
The Alphabet Cocktail
three parts alpha
one part beta
serve neat
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Stingray,
Great post. Aiming to be this type of wife.
Thanks for this!
Spacetravellar,
Somedays it seems impossible and somedays it comes incredibly naturally. I can’t say it’s always easy, but it is always well worth it.
This is sort of an old post but I wanted to weigh in only because I used to be Ashley and now I am Stingray. Ashley you are stuck in the mentality that Feminism taught you. I was too even though that wasn’t what I called it. Doesn’t matter what you call it, it doesn’t work in a marriage / relationship. You might THINK it’s working and it might seem like it’s working for some period of time but then one day one of you wakes up and thinks “wow, why am I here?” or some variation thereof.
Luckily when I woke up I thought to myself: Must connect with man I married, he is my life, he is my future, he is my best possible route to lifelong happiness and satisfaction. LUCKILY. Many women just decide to start over because “the thrill is gone” or they are “not haaaaapppyyyy” and project that it’s their man’s fault. I won’t get into all the whys and wherefores, it’s well documented for anyone with interest to find.
What I found is by changing ME and what I thought of MYSELF and myself in RELATION to my husband I have turned my life completely 180 degrees for the better. I am happier, calmer, more satisfied (in every way) and a better person than I ever was. Can’t explain it, not gonna explain it. Again it’s well documented for anyone with interest to find.
The moral of my story is this: Strong independent women who are perky and tough and demand an equal partnership with their husbands being a satisfying lifestyle is a total LIE. Eventually someone is going to be “unhaaaaapy” and cheat or leave. For a million reasons well documented.
Do you want to survive the coming economic contraction? The societal upheaval that is likely to take place over the next 20 years? You better become a WIFE and do it NOW. Get lots of practice in while you can before you absolutely need the protection and providing of a man for yourself and your children. I think you will find 100% that you are happier and stronger for it today and can have the peace of mind knowing that you have secured your and your children’s future as well.
There really is an urgency here, you don’t have the time or luxury to think it over and try it on for size. Pair up with your man now, play your role, play it well. There is no down side. This is the man you married. Commit to him 100%. There is nothing more important in life. I am living proof of this. Five years ago you could not find a more strident feminist, equal-opportunity, “I live my life as I damn well please” female than me. Now? F that. This is WAY better. My life is complete. I can survive anything.
Also to add: I do consider myself very dominant, an alpha female – almost a man in a woman’s body. I admit I have a very hard time with some of this at times … but when my man decides what is what and puts his f*cking foot down, I find myself relieved/horny/attracted/happy … “things are as they should be” …
I am at one extreme end of the bell curve in human personalities, esp w/r/t women’s personalities. So being an “outlier” is no excuse to keep doin’ what you’re doin’. These concepts apply to any all women from one end of the bell curve to the other.
It’s all in your mind-set.
This list is perfect and truly all of the things that a man wants in a wife. The problem? The typical Western woman supplies almost NONE of these things. My ex wife did NONE of this once the marriage began. Stuck up entitled “princesses” spend their 20s sluting around in the bars. Then they get knocked up a few times by a bad boy and by the time their 30s roll around they weigh 250 with short hair and 3 screaming brats running around and hope a “good guy” will foot their child expenses bill. No thanks. Ill stay a bachelor and IF i decide to marry again, it will likely be to a women from Europe or Asia who actually appreciates marriage.
Razor,
I have heard a lot of men say that so many typical Western women lack these qualities. I have seen it quite a bit myself, as well. One cannot condemn a man for going where the women are that display the qualities that he is looking for.
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Just found this, good stuff. That Carlotta is a wise woman. I hear she is hot too LOL 😉
Carlotta, Welcome! I’m very glad to see you here.
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How to be a desirable husband
“Don’t make the wedding a big deal and be fine with just a wedding band or a ring from a pawn shop. This shows loyalty in that you are making it clear you are in this for a marriage and not a wedding. The wedding day is a couple of hours of flowers and a pretty dress. The only truly important thing about it are the vows.”
http://stthomasmoreacademy.blogspot.com/2015/07/marriage-and-cross.html