Captain Capitalism has a very good Youtube video up today that I found to be a good followup to my past two posts (here and here):
He makes the excellent point that even though the manosphere can be difficult for women to read, the bloggers in it do not hate us. They wish to spread truth and just because it may hurt, does not mean it stems from hate. For the men, he really gets into keeping one’s eye out for a good woman to round out a man’s life and how rare a thing that is these days. (Ladies, if marriage is what you want then it is up to you to be this woman.)
Now, I would like to contrast this for my women readers with an article that Vox has linked to at Alpha Game today. The Lonely Legacy of my Sex and the City Lifestyle. In this article, Claudia Connell speaks rather candidly about many things that bloggers in the sphere have spoken about many times.
One thing I’m pretty sure of, though, is that I’ll be on my own, with no spouse to look out for me or children to visit.
At the age of 46, I accept that my opportunity to have a family has gone and the chances of meeting a decent man aren’t looking too rosy either.
Too many women are unaware of the effects of age on their ability to conceive (let alone finding a husband) because many of us have met those one or two women who have conceived into their early forties. However, we aren’t aware of how many women have tried to become pregnant at that age and failed. A woman’s peak fertility age is in her early twenties. According to the linked graph a woman in her early twenties has an 86% likelihood of getting pregnant within a one year period whereas a woman who is in her early 40’s has a 36% chance. This is yet another reason why I stated that a woman should decide at a young age if she wishes to marry. Your chances of attracting a husband are not only higher, your chances of having a healthy family are as well.
More from Connell,
For me, the single girl lifestyle that I embraced and celebrated with so much enthusiasm in the Eighties and Nineties has lost much of its gloss, and is starting to look a little hollow.
I was part of the Sex And The City generation — successful, feisty women who made their own money, answered to no one and lived life to the full.
When it came to men, our attitude to them was the same as it was towards the latest must-have handbag: only the best would do, no compromises should be made, and even then it would be quickly tired of and cast aside.
What none of us spent too long thinking about in our 20s and 30s was how our lifestyles would impact on us once we reached middle-age . . .
There is a life past 35 and 40 and women must begin to realize that the train will come to it’s station. What are they going to do then? Connell seems to have at least realized that she has made these decisions herself and she must live with them. However, there are many women at her age who don’t or won’t accept how their own decisions have put them in their current situations and are calling for men to marry them anyway. They attempt to shame men for not finding them attractive instead of looking to their own decisions for the reasons they are successful yet alone.
I’ve found myself thinking that perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad, after all, to have someone to cook for, discuss the plot of Homeland with, or just offload to after a particularly bad day.
Then there are the practicalities of finding someone who can shift a heavy piece of furniture or jump-start a car. If my married sister needs something done, she asks her husband. But when I need help, I have to pay someone £200 or more.
Many of us have been taught from childhood (some of you from infancy) that women are amazing creatures who can do anything a man can do and some things better. This has gone to the point that many women forget that marriage and life with a man is not about what she will be getting out of that life, rather it is about what she will be giving to it. Women need to stop thinking in terms of what they will get and instead focus on what they have to give. The saying “It is better to give than to receive” is very true and one will find that they will end up receiving so much more in return (Yes, I am quite aware that there are men out there who will always take without giving back, yet it will be quite apparent who this man is before a marriage).
What I never considered, though, was that one day [men would] stop coming along altogether. I really wish I’d known that once you’re in your late 30s, men are pretty thin on the ground. And once you’re in your 40s, it’s as though they’ve been wiped off the face of the Earth.
This really gets down to the heart of it. Women are in a position in this day and age to live however they wish. They have the means to make their own money and provide for themselves. And yet, more than ever before, women seem to be unaware that life will not be forever like it is in their 20’s. If a woman decides to not marry and have a career, she has every opportunity to do so. Along with this opportunity should come the knowledge that every decision has consequences. The chances are quite high that she will not find a quality man who wishes to settle down with her and have a family. Those men she describes here,
I also think it’s an uncomfortable truth that the sort of high-flying alpha males we were all holding out for didn’t want women like us. All the successful men I know have married sweet, uncomplicated women who are happy to forfeit their careers to support their husbands.
Along with the opportunity women so enjoy today must come the knowledge that the future will come and the decisions you make today very highly impact how it will play out. Your decisions must be made accordingly.
On the Rock 
It’s a great video from the cap and i agree on principle his sentiments.
Tho having been there once and dealing with Dalrock’s “In the Shadow of the Law” principle.. realizing the legal onslaught i face for something i have no say or control in dictates i never take the plunge into marriage again.
Then again, perhaps im too old for this. This was a message for the young’ns.
M3,
Nah, you’re not too old for it. As he says at the end, a woman like this might come at any time. Unfortunately, they are just rare.
For anyone interested, here is Dalrock’s piece Bargaining in the Shadow of the Law. Given the current legalities of marriage, men need to be fully aware of what could lie in store for them should they ever wish to marry. Not wanting to go through that again is understandable, M3.
Spot on about the hatred. I’ve been very concerned by degrees of misogyny in the Manosphere- as I detailed here: http://3rdmilleniummen.wordpress.com/2012/10/29/something-i-wont-tolerate-in-the-manosphere/
Just came across your blog and love it, will def be coming back for more!
I can’t get over the fact that he’s dated over 350 women, I wouldn’t of even imagined that to be possible. He sounds intelligent, and I’d have to agree with what he says. 350 women….
3rd Millenium Men,
I’m happy that you like the blog and that you found your way here.
I had read you article last week about the hatred in the manoshpere and I see you took some flak for it. It’s a tough subject to broach as anger and hatred can look so similar. I don’t mind the anger and I think some sites out there are very much for men needed to get that anger out of there systems. But when one does come across hate, actual hate, then I am right there with you. The difficulty that I see with many women (what I think Captain is addressing here) is that it can be very hard to distinguish between the two.
Sis,
When a man has *it*, the women will come.
Good piece.
I suspect much of what is going on with women is simply that no one has been teaching them about the future and what to do about it, nor about the differing strengths and weaknesses men and women have.
From what I’ve seen, women as a group are not as good as men at long range planning, nor considering various alternatives and the long-range effects thereof; nor laying the necessary groundwork for things they want or need.
Men as a group are not as good at women at reading emotions, considering others’ feelings, or assembling groups of people for social gatherings.
When men socialize it is usually to do something or get a task accomplished. When women socialize it is usually to foster and continue relationships.
We are trusting and telling women to get jobs and support themselves and be career oriented when most of them just aren’t built for it. Most women just don’t have the constitution for 50 years of work in an office, plant or site where results, tasks, deadlines, and quality finished products are the goals. I’d venture most women work not because they want to but because they have to. They are single and have no other means of support. They are married and have a double income lifestyle that they either cannot or will not trim back.
Consider marriage and the ways men and women approach it.
For a woman, she is getting married. It is the happiest day of her life. Her friends will be around her. It will be a happy time. Her family will rejoice in her happiness. Her thinking does not go beyond the honeymoon. It will be fun, games, frolic and joy.
For a man, it is less happiness and more making sure he can actually do this. He is taking on a grave responsibility. He is responsible to support her and any kids they have. He has to make sure he has enough money to pay for everything. He has to have a place for them to live, food for them to eat, and money to buy what they want and need. Plans must be made and carried out. Jobs must be worked, money must be earned and spent, bills must be paid. His thinking goes years into the future.
(He has no problem taking on these duties and burdens. He just wants to get something out of it for himself. And usually what he expects is gratitude, her attraction to him, and good sex at reasonable intervals, but sometimes does not get even that.)
Agreed. And what they are being taught is complete opposite of what is the truth.
I’ve always thought this true, “A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.”
Man. I didnt follow the link to the article to today when I was bored on the subway.
Girl is not a looker
How can you expect to live a sex and the city lifestyle when such a life is based on being a sexy single lady and you’re not sexy? To live a ‘glamorous’ lifestyle, one must be able to turn heads in a good way.
Not achievable when you look like a desperate 40lbs overweight cougar sucking down some sugary cocktail
Great post, Stingray.
Also very sad.
So many lives ruined because of lies…
Agreed that The Manosphere is NOT full of misogynists. I have no doubt that there are some…
But they are by no means the majority.
I used to go ballroom dancing a year ago; I hadn’t been in awhile so I went this last Saturday night. My ballroom technique was dang rusty as I do a lot more salsa than any other dance these days, but the women there were very forgiving. I felt a bit sad about the older ones pursuing me for dances, even as a man of a certain age. As many were older and/or bigger and/or harder looking than I like. I still gave them the best I can give on the dance floor, but I was not otherwise interested in them and I let myself be dense to their flirting.
“I’ve always thought this true, “A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.”
Haha. That gave me a good laugh.
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I like that you still gave them your best on the dance floor. Dense to flirting is necessary, but still having fun dancing is fantastic.
It’s funny that you bring up dancing. Maritus and I took west cost swing lessons from a neighbor friend before we had kids. We loved it. There is . . . something, about a man who can dance. I think it has so much to do with leading. We’ve been watching competitions with our daughter and it gave me some post material I hope to have up in a couple of days.