I apologize to everyone for being gone for so long. It’s been a rough winter for us sickness wise as different viruses have been making their way through our house since before Christmas. Between this and just general daily things, it has gotten really busy around here and I have not been online very much.
I’ve thought long and hard (and for many years) about this statement: “I don’t believe in equal rights for men and women …” -and I believe I finally have my head around it! It’s not that men and women are NOT equal – it’s that ‘equality’ shouldn’t come into the comparison. It’s like saying that a maple tree and an apple tree are ‘equal’ to each other. Or a honda and a smartfortwo are equal to each other; or daisy and a rose are equal and need the same things … as each other. Or, (one last example) an apple and a banana are equal to each other.
These examples are all from the same ‘species’ but are very, VERY different from each other. It’s not a matter of being equal; because they are not. In all of these pairs – they each need separate things; they both look different; they both have different designs; they provide different functions.
Men and women are no more equal to each other than a german shepard and a rottweiler are — same species — but different. I don’t believe you can ‘compare’ the two – they must be ‘contrasted.’
I have been thinking for a while now how to explain that men and women are not equal because they are just too different myself. I kept thinking along the lines of comparing a dolphin to a monkey. You just cannot do it. These things cannot be equal as there is nothing to compare. However, when it comes to men and women, we are both human. We are people and it appears that on the surface we want the same things and therefore can be compared equally. But when one digs deeper, we are simply not the same. Our biology is very different, our desires, our drives, our physicality and our very nature’s are extremely different. Yes, there are outliers. There will always be outliers, but instead of seeing them for what they are, we hold them as prime examples of what it means to be man or women and completely ignore the vast majority that proves the overall rule. This applies to each side, men and women.
I immediately think of the successful, 40 something female CEO that is held up for the world to see as a prime example of what women are taught they should strive for. But most of us are simply not interested in that (Hat tip: Captain Capitalism), and when we look beyond the surface of that successful 40 something CEO, we very often find that she is not as happy as she thought she should be, that she cannot find a good man, and is regretting not having her babies now that it’s too late. The idea of this successful woman being equal to the men around her, leads to “I can have it all!”, the other big lie of our time. No one has it all. Men or women. There is no all, but there is most certainly enough. Women and men can do and be enough and they will be happy.
On the flip side, I think of the *nice* husband who is married to the woman of his dreams who is amazingly dedicated and loyal to him. This is what is being held up as the male ideal, what they should be striving for. We all know what this leads to when we dig down just a little bit. The man working his tail off to give his wife what he thinks she wants, what she says she wants, and not understanding that what she needs is a leader. A dominant man who will love her and lead her and be her captain.
None of what makes men men and women women is shameful. We are different and that is what we are meant to be. We each bring our differences to this society and that is what made it wonderful. As we move women to masculinity and men to femininity we find this society more and more confusing, and frankly, in a great decline. We should be striving to accentuate our differences and forget about equality. Where we are equal is the value we both bring to this world. A value that is in sharp decline as we venture further away from our differences in some strange amalgamation of masculine women and feminine men.
Value our differences. Hold them up with pride and don’t be afraid to relish them. We are not equal in comparison as there is nothing to compare. Men lead and women support. Take either one away and the whole of the world suffers for it.
**Update: Robyn, the lady whom I quoted above, has a blog called Up With Marriage. I didn’t realize this when I quoted her and I plan on checking it out today! Thanks for the great quote Robyn.