Control. In one shape or another, we crave it. If any of the balls we have flying up in the air were to drop, then the anxiety that would create is difficult to even contemplate. A large part of the reason we feel this way is that we will not allow, and often do not trust, the other people in our lives to help us out (or to even trust them with their own tasks). We feel we must be independent to somehow prove ourselves. We wish show to the world that we are capable and even great(er).
This is a problem when one is married. A very big problem. The very act of marriage negates the independence that so many women claim they wish to portray. Marriage has nothing to do with independence and the word should not even be contemplated after the vows are said. You are there for your husband and he is there for you. Once you’re married, it is time to let go.
Now, I am obviously not talking about women having no responsibilities or tasks to seriously take on within a marriage. If you’ve read much of this blog then you know that is not what I encourage. What I am talking about is the fact that not everything is your responsibility any more. You have a man there that you have chosen to spend your life with and who will now be taking a large chunk of responsibility for your life and for your marriage, as you should also be doing for him. It is time to step back and trust him to do just that. So many women these days seem to have an incredibly difficult time of just letting go. Realizing that those tasks, those aspects of your marriage or your life together, are things that you just need not worry about. Micromanaging it is rude and disrespectful to your husband and for his sake it needs to end. For your sake, as well.
I have often heard women say that things about their marriages bother them. Things that their husband does or does not do. Or, very often, does not complete it as she wishes it to be done. I’m not always convinced that she is angry or unhappy because it’s not completed as she wished. This unhappiness comes because she will not let go. She will not stop and simply trust that her husband is more than capable of handling the task in his own way. Your way is not necessarily right and his is not necessarily wrong (and at no time does it ever matter how the Jone’s do it).
Ladies, it’s time to let go. That ledge that you are reaching for, that place of peace that you are seeking by attempting to assert your control, that place is your husband. He is your rock, your hard place to hold onto. Trust him and just let go. You may feel as if you’re falling, but you’re not. You need to learn that he has got this. It might not be your way, but it’s going to get done and most of the time it will be done well*, if not simply differently. Ask the question that needs to be asked, “Did the kids get lunch yet?”, “Why have we been invoiced already?”, but then accept his answer. Simply let it go and trust him. As I said, for a time, you will feel as if you’re falling, but then when the balls you used to try and take for yourselves are firmly someplace else a peace will come over you as your Rock is holding steady.
Let him be your place of peace.
* If it is something new to him, there will be a learning curve just like there was when you first began said task. Leave him be about it. If he asks for pointers, give them to him respectfully.
** Comic from vimrod.com