In my Introducing Girls Being Girls post I made the drive by comment that “Women tend to be more feminine around men.”*** Seriouslypleasedropit has asked me expand upon this point. The basic explanation to this is the fact that women actually do care, very much, what men think of them.
Professor Ashur writes:
It helps confirm my belief that most women care deeply about how males regard them (even beta males), and that the exercise of male judgment is an unseen and very powerful social tool that beta males have allowed to atrophy, out of a misplaced sense of chivalry. Just as mankind has always sought approval from its gods, women seek the approval of men.
This is very much true and it is often what we see in orbiters and men put in the friend-zone. A woman might not be attracted to these men, but their opinions of her very much matter. Think of all the stories we hear of the men who got sick of the friend-zone and simply walked away. So very often the woman will come seek him out. She will change her actions ever so slightly to lure him back to her. The more he resists, the more she will attempt to give him what he wants from her.
Dalrock has also written about this seemingly little known fact (read his post in it’s entirety. It’s excellent):
. . . men have no idea how much their judgment of women impacts them. Women fear judgment from other women, especially those higher than them in the social hierarchy. However, even more than this they fear judgment from men. They don’t just fear judgment from men in the top of the male hierarchy, they fear judgment from any man who has the basic respect of other men (which is most men). Even women at the top of the female hierarchy fear the judgment of ordinary (respected by other men) men.
This is a form of power almost all men have but fail to exercise for a number of reasons, but of critical importance is the fact that most have no idea the power even exists. Feminists however do understand this, which is why they spend so much of their energy working to ensure that neither men nor women feel comfortable judging bad behavior from women. They have been wildly successful here, but they will always be extremely vulnerable to men figuring this out.
The reason that women tend to be more feminine around men (at least in those men who highly value it) is that what you all think of us is extremely important to us. We know the men here highly value femininity and your presence keeps that in check. With no men around, it is very easy to get comfortable and simply begin to lag, to get lazy and to just let things slide. This is decidedly unfeminine. With the men around who value this and whom we know value it, we will work very hard to not let it slide, to stay humble and feminine and to stay true because we very highly value your opinion of us.
Sunshine Mary has an intriguing post up today that touches on some of these thoughts. She wishes to discuss the assertion that:
Men improving themselves as a group will actually cause women to become even lower quality, as women will have their pick of attractive alpha types without having to do much to attract them, so this would actively harm men. Therefore men as a group should discourage one another from improving themselves in ways that women find attractive.
If we are simply talking about attraction and short term flings, then I believe this has some merit to it. However, in talking about relationships and commitment I think this is definitely not the case. As has been said many times, women are the gatekeepers to sex and men are the gatekeepers to commitment. If and when men as a group begin to improve themselves if all they are seeking is an attractive woman for sex, then I think this will be true. A woman’s looks is what she will seek to change and we see this rampantly today in the way women dress, wear make up and carry themselves in an attention grabbing and promiscuous way.
When an attractive man begins his search for commitment, however, this picture will change dramatically. When these men begin their search for the feminine woman who is more humble, who strives to be pretty rather than sexy, who seeks a man to take care of, who is not crass, brash and sassy but rather radiant, happy and fun other women will take notice. The more men who begin to overtly search for these women and make their opinions known of what they are looking for, the more the women watching this will seek this change for themselves, because even though they recoil at the thought of it, women very much do care what men think of them. If and when feminist begin to fail in their quest to quell the thoughts, opinions and words of men, this will become far more apparent. As women begin to see the lies they have been told and overtly realize that the men around them are very important to them, we will see a greater return to femininity. Men want it and when they make this known, women will follow.
**It should be noted that this can backfire as well. If a woman gets male attention from being masculine (which many do) they will act more masculine as well. This is a big reason many act in a far more masculine manner today.