A new commenter, Jean, has left a comment on my last post that would be better addressed here. I’m going to break her comment down to better make my points but will be quoting it in it’s entirety. Here is the original.
I know that many of you will attack me for my opinion, but this article, the video, and some of the comments here have really upset me. I didn’t realize that people actually devalued women and our purpose like that. This is unbelievable. I did not write to start an argument, so I will not reply back to anyone.
We don’t devalue women. We believe that women’s value is much different from men’s, not less. To be very clear right from the get go, your understanding of submission is wrong. Submission does not equate to doormat. It equates to second in command. A Queen to his King or First Mate to his Captain. This is not the position of a doormat.
But here is what I needed to say:
Marriage is not just about submission. A video from a woman telling how she is submissive is so not necessary, unless there is also a video with a husband telling how he honors and sacrifices his life for his wife. This practice sets a dangerous precedent for young females to follow. These young females see older women as the wise females, ones who are supposed to make sense. But some of us don’t have much, and in fact, some of us are downright foolish. Women ought to know better than to allow themselves to focus on submisson only, unless they will also tell men what their roles are. Why would a woman make a video about submission? What is the purpose?
The whole of society tells men what is expected of them every single day. To such an extent that society regularly thinks them fools with the smarmy and much smarter wife running the show. It’s degrading and things like this are the norm.
As to women looking to wise older women, I truly hope you are correct. Only, what most older women are telling their younger counterparts today is anything but wise. It is not wise to tell women to put of marriage past their most fertile years (many, many women yearn for children only to find out they waited too long). It is not wise to tell women that sleeping with as many men as they wish is ok (most women are NOT happy doing this and many will privately admit so. WE AREN”T MEN). It is not ok to teach women that men value the same exact traits in women that we find attractive in men. Men value pretty, kind, helpful and fun in the women they commit to though they will have sex with simply sexy. Most are not too interested in committing to snarky, hard women. Intelligence, while it has some value is not that important to men. They would rather have a less intelligent woman who respects him than an intelligent woman who is full of disrespect and throws her education up like a wall.
You ask the purpose of making this video? To help women to understand that what they think of as submission is not true. Many find that through submission their marriages are vastly happier and healthier. They find that their men are happier and stronger and many discover their lost femininity and find real peace and joy.
When a man marries a woman who comes into their relationship having a successful career, her own residence, and her own money in the bank, then that woman is “allowing” him to lead, because before the marriage, she was an independent woman and was not looking for someone to “support her”, contrary to what men alwys say. She can really live without a man . . . Men are not doing women favors by marrying them. Men, you all have got to stop telling lies on women, that “we are looking for someone to support us”. This is soooo lame and sooo untrue. Men are not the only ones with jobs.
Of course women can live without a man and of course women have jobs. Everyone sees this everyday. The question is, how do most women prefer to live? Support is not merely monetary. But even if we are talking simply money, most of the time if someone stays home, it is usually the wife (because she wants to) and he fully supports her and the kids. If she does work, because of women’s work preferences, he will often make more than her and therefore make her quality of living much higher than it would have been should she have stayed single.
. . . Besides all that, women do not get much out of marriage, because we do all the work. The men get the sex they so desperately want, they get someone to dominate, someone to cook meals, someone to raise the couple’s children, someone to do all the laundry, and someone to do the housework. If women are to do all the submission stuff, yet all the physical work, then, what the heck is the purpose of a woman getting married? Women are better off, staying single.
If you think that sex, laundry, cooking, raising children, and housework is all there is to the work of marriage then you are sadly mistaken. Do you think the responsibility of a leader is so easy? That making the life changing decisions that will effect the most important people in one’s life are made on a whim? That men are so callous as to just flippantly dominate without thought to those whom he loves more than himself? No. The laundry, the housework, the support, the cooking, raising the children, and the sex (you make it sound like a chore) are easy compared to the responsibility of a good leader. They are easy compared to the daily grind most men contend with on a daily basis at their jobs, to their other responsibilities around the house (things do not get fixed around the house themselves). These days, given what marriage has become (which is nearly nothing as divorce is rampant and the man loses his children and half of everything) and what is expected of a husband with the lack of expectations in a wife, it is men who are arguably better off staying single.
What the woman is really looking for when she marries, is someone who can be a loving, respectful partner with her and appreciate her for all her qualities and all the things she will be able do with him in the marriage. Marriage is not about serving a man. He must be kind to her, and treat her like she matters, because she does. What wife wants to have sex with a cold, selfish, distant, unloving husband? His attitude and approach does matter. Women have to be a part of all decisions in the relationship, especially the ones that affect her. In fact, a husband cannot just make decisions and shove them in the wife’s face.Those decisions that profoundly affect her and her body and emotional comfort, must be discussed with her anyway. Stop treating women like doormats and sexual receptacles, because women are more than that.
I am trying to figure out why you assume that I think men should be “cold, selfish, distant, and unloving”? This is not the definition of dominant. You are conflating it with domineering. I agree with you that women are looking for exactly what you say. But respect is to be earned. It is not given just because one is female. It is up to women to find a man worth marrying. To find a good man. It is not up to men to become what women expect of them simply because women say they want that. There are so many men out there today who would give women exactly what you are describing, only women aren’t attracted to them. Because they give women exactly what they say they want. They are nice and then they are ignored. How many women do you know that lament that they are attracted to “bad boys”? How many lament the fact that they have found a “good man” only to not be attracted to him at all? Women are attracted to dominant men. This is exactly why books like 50 Shades of Gray have sold millions of copies.
You say that the wife HAS to be a part of every decision, but I say that it is the man who chooses who he wishes to spend his life with. If she insists she must be part of every decision, he might just decide to find someone else. However, if she is respectful, if she is kind and doesn’t disrespect and nag, she may just find that her husband wants her to be a part of the major decisions of their life because she has shown the fortitude and intelligence to help. Again, I am amazed that you would think that a man would just make a decision and throw it in his wife’s face and that you simply assume from a short post that I think women are doormats and sexual receptacles. You have come in here with a lot of presumptions, which the majority are simply wrong. If you had watched the video, you would have seen that Mrs. Bure stated the same exact thing. You say women are more than that. I say women must prove it, just like we expect men to prove themselves to us.
Stop telling wives that we have to lift up husbands up, unless you tell husbands to lift their wives up. Be fair and balanced.
Most husbands do lift up their wives, well above them and then their wives resent them for it. A supplicating husband is one who is disrespected and unloved by his wife. This is the majority of marriages today because of how many times men have been told since birth to lift up and respect their wives. I say it’s time for women to learn to love and respect their men. To learn how to lift them up and support them, till death do they part.
If you really are curious as to how I think a husband should treat marriage, I was asked about this before.
For further refutation of other commonly held misconceptions of submission, please read this excellent article.
To commenters, Jean came here upset but remained quite civil, even though she was clearly upset. I would ask the same of all of you.