WELL beyond petty . . .

This link was put up at RPW this morning (At the time of this writing the link is down.  I don’t know if this means she removed the post or if its something else, so I’ll leave the link in for now).

So the situation at my place is: I am NOT cooking my husband dinner, washing his clothes or even making his side of the bed until he apologises for being a fuckface yesterday. Just know he is wrong and I am right. JUST KNOW. There has never been a stand more important than this. My pettiness knows no bounds, I am wild. I’ll keep you updated.

She also posted a picture of her half made bed.  It had nearly 25,000 likes and several comments.

When I’m annoyed I’ll put more broccoli on his dinner plate, or less sandwich filling in his sandwiches. Sometimes I’ll even turn the cold water on when he’s having a shower. It’s the little things.  

 . . .

My “pettiness” has occasionally reached such heights that i have sneaked outside and flicked the power main off for a second…just enough to resest the modem and upset his ps3 game or tv viewing

  . . .

Wait til he tells you that you don’t do the washing the washing machine does!!!! I had an ex use that line! When he then asked a week later why none of his washing was done I took great pleasure in saying – “well gee I’m not sure maybe you should ask the washing machine”

 . . .

My partner is not one to give out compliments very often so when I saw a post on fb about keeping record of compliments & using it as a dollar value for his bday present I thought perfect! SO FAR HE’S ON $4

There are more, a lot more, but you get the gist (thankfully there were a handful calling her out for being petty and for posting it publicly).  I can’t find it now (and have no more patience to slog throughout the comments) but one woman described what she does to her husband and ended the comment with “I Win!”

To be clear to everyone reading, I have been here.  When we first married I got mad at something Maritus did and I put extra seasoning in my spaghetti sauce that he had made very clear that he didn’t like that way.  They whole time I was doing this I kept telling myself, “this is just wrong.” but I didn’t stop.  I tend to think that most women feel this way, on some level, when they are doing this.  They feel wrong, guilty, petty and even disgusted (at least they used to.  I now wonder if it’s so pervasive that these feelings are now gone).  But they know they can turn around and tell some women about it publicly or talk to their friends and be highly praised for it, just as this woman was (there were hundreds of comments on this post the vast majority of which were praising her and telling their own stories).

Marriage is not a competition.  It is not something we enter into to be taken care of for the rest of our lives (or until we divorce) and just go along for the ride.  It’s a two way street.  A place to lift each other up higher and higher.  If you are doing petty things out of anger, even if that anger might be justified (ask yourself how often it actually is justified), you’re not doing your part to lift your husband higher.  Your not supporting him, helping him or loving him.

Marriage is not a competition where anyone “Wins!”.  If this is the attitude you have, then you’ve caused the marriage to lose.  You win when you are grateful for what you have and give back in order to help and for you both to grow stronger, for your marriage to grow stronger and best of all, for your kids and your family to grow stronger.

Petty acts of revenge, anger, and retribution will kill your marriage and they will make you miserable.  The revenge, anger and “winning” (read control) is all you will begin to focus on.  Instead, focus on what he’s done for you that you have likely never noticed before.  This woman stated, “Just know he is wrong and I am right. JUST KNOW. ”  My first thought was something along the lines of, “I don’t believe you”.  Most likely this man did something in a way that she disapproved of.  That doesn’t make him wrong.  Just different.  Even if whatever he did do was wrong, that is no reason to turn on the petty revenge and control to make a point.  It is time to take 5 seconds to forgive him and move on with your life.

It will make him happier and it will make you happier.  Perhaps surprising to some it will make your marriage happier and FAR stronger.   Let go.