I was asked at RPW, what is the difference between being submissive and subservient (or being a doormat)? I think doormat is a better word given the first definition of subservient.
~ prepared to obey others unquestioningly.
In almost every single scenario, I agree with this. I am prepared to obey my husband without question because he has earned my trust. This is something I have given him, that I freely choose to give him, because I know he would never abuse it.
This, I believe, is the difference and why I think doormat (though I loathe to use this feminist word) is more apt. There is a connotation of fear behind it. Where the woman will submit not out of choice, but because she is afraid (tangentially, this is why feminists like to use this word to describe women who choose to submit because the fear connotation is meant to make submissive women feel small and unimportant. It’s also why they call our husbands tyrants. It will illicit fear in other women so they will not choose this path. It’s worked remarkably well). Only submission to one’s husband is a choice and one that, when made well, elicits in women a strength and freedom that, today, is wholly surprising and, to many, beyond belief.
The key to this is to find a man and decide before you marry if he is deserving of this level of trust.
Now, a word on fear. The fear I’m talking about here is more of a primal one. A fear in which the woman knows that something horrible will happen if she is not completely compliant. Men who create fear like this, while they do exist, are not common. No, not all men are deserving of submission and not because they will cause this fear, but because they won’t respect it. There are some men who will take advantage of it for various reasons (though, again, not as prevalent as feminists would have us believe, nor are they nonexistent).
While I will likely get slammed for this for those who like to misunderstand to redirect (SJW’s I’m looking at you), there is another type of fear that even submissive women might experience. This fear, I believe, when respected, is just fine (let’s think of levels of fear here. I’m not talking terrified. I’m talking wary). This is fear of disappointing. We’ve all experienced this. We have a person in our lives whom we highly respect. Parents, a boss, a friend, a colleague, and even our husbands whom have expectations of us. We know that if these expectations are not met this person will be disappointed in us. It is a driving force and one not to be mistaken for fear for our well being. I believe this to be fine as it is a natural consequence of respect. Now, one should work to grow past this as it is not necessary, but recognize it for what it is. It is not there because of a husband lording over you, rather it is a consequence of respect. Don’t let those who would use words against you turn it into something that it is not.