Ann Barnhardt has joined The Remnant. I present her first piece, “Diabolical Narcissim: “Go Clean Up the Kitchen You Stupid, Stupid Woman” without comment. What could I possibly add to this?
A sample:
My evening ritual before turning in for the night was, in order, to go into the kitchen, wash and dry any and all dishes and cookware used that day, including the coffee pot, lift the grates off of the gas stovetop and thoroughly clean and polish the stainless steel stovetop, clean the countertops, kitchen table, and stainless steel double basin sink, and finally replace the stove grates and then set upon the perfectly clean stove the small saucepan for my friend to heat his milk for the next morning’s coffee.
Bear in mind, rarely were any of the dishes dirtied by me, as I ate out more often than not. Further, I was almost never the first in the kitchen in the morning, and was not a ritual morning coffee drinker. I cleaned the kitchen and set out the next morning’s accouterment not for myself, but for my friend and housemate. I wanted him to start his day off not with a dirty kitchen, dishes stacked in the sink, and a grease-covered stove, the thought in the back of his mind, “Oh, I’m going to have to clean this kitchen after I get home from work today….”
No. I wanted to give him the smallest of gifts – a little help around the house. And God forgive me, that twenty minutes of quiet, nightly kitchen clean-up, in particular the polishing of the stove and setting out of the saucepan, was the best part of my day. If I were dishonest I would say that something liturgical or some formal prayer was the best part of my day, but it wasn’t. The silent, spontaneous prayer of thanksgiving that flowed out of my soul as I recalled that day’s events, and how happy I was to be where I was, surrounded by friends, recalling past adventures and making plans for future adventures, and praying for my friend and housemate and his intentions, as I scrubbed grease splatter off of the stove with Ajax grease cutting spray and paper towels – that was the best part of my day.
On the Rock 
Reblogged this on To our bodies turn we then and commented:
Describes my evening prayers perfectly:
As I read, I was expecting hostility and resentment. Having lived in shared housing with women, Ann Bernhardt is a candidate for sainthood.
Thank you for letting us know about this. As always it was a great read.
If you ask me when I felt happy – truly, truly happy – it was when I was cleaning up for a man. So roll that up real tight in your Virginia Slim and smoke it, Betty Friedan. It’s almost as if there is some sort of hard-wiring given to us by God – factory-loaded software if you will – nudging us toward our gender-specific vocations that will make us truly happy.
Love this.
I have to say that I was less than impressed with that article. My husband subscribes to The Remnant, as did my mother, so I have grown up with the newspaper. I read it, and couldn’t help but notice the lack of refinement in her writing. As a mother who has a male-dominated household and six grade levels that I must prepare to teach in addition to all the traditional roles, I did not take to this article with the alacrity it appears others have. What I did take away from it is that she doesn’t seem happy with the choices she has made in life and would have preferred a more traditional life, but judging from her age it seems that it would be best for her to make a virtue out of necessity and accept her life. What is offensive about this article is that she has no point of reference other than that one period in her life. And I’m sorry, but even living platonically with a man as a convenient arrangement, a man who is neither a father nor brother, is the appearance of scandal. I cannot understand why nobody in our traditionalist community hasn’t picked up on this.
Ann Barnhardt has been very open about her past and why she’s not married. She also did not become Catholic until the mid 2000’s I believe and traditional even later. She’s more than accepted her choices in life.
It was still a bad example, choices or not, and consequently it really did not have any place in a traditional Catholic periodical. I’m sorry, but I am very disappointed with Michael Matt in this choice. I was a little hesitant to mention it to him, but since he published two letters to the editor in the most recent edition who at least somewhat agreed with me, I felt emboldened to at least make my opinion known to him, which I did.
“The Remnant” has gone downhill quite a bit these recent months. I understand they have financial difficulties, but to start catering to a low class of people — yes, I just said that, because that is what it is here, and I am calling a spade a spade — isn’t the answer. (What a relief to actually say what I truly believe, even though I know I am going to take the heat for it.) Especially when they have a lady like Susan Claire Potts who is one of the contributors; it is almost like a slap in her face. She is a lady with class and dignity, and putting the two of them together is terribly incongruous (not to mention certain other contributors they have had within the past year who have stooped to the most intolerable tactics). I would cancel our subscription in a second if I could. Unfortunately, I’m not the one purchasing it, unless I finally have the courage to end it myself and face the consequences.
I’m sorry, but I am very disappointed with Michael Matt in this choice.
Understood and a valid choice, but I agree with him completely in what he said in his reply to Ms. Smith in his Editor’s Note. Very few of us were raised Traditional Catholic and will never meet your standards. Maybe she shouldn’t write about he past like that, but at the same time, many identify with the mistakes she has made and it draws them closer.
I understand they have financial difficulties, but to start catering to a low class of people
Are these people not welcome?
What a relief to actually say what I truly believe, even though I know I am going to take the heat for it.
You will take heat for what you say. This is a place for people to say what is on their mind. However, I think you take more heat for the way in which you write things. You write in a passive aggressive manner and it rubs people the wrong way.
“Very few of us were raised Traditional Catholic and will never meet your standards.”
That is completely beside the point and is irrelevant to this entire conversation. I’ve known a lot of people who came to both Catholicism and then tradition later in life. But they don’t act that way. They act appropriately. She can’t. Until she can, she should stop writing for a traditional Catholic newspaper and learn how to behave herself.
If you want an example of a person who has also gone through some very difficult times, but does act appropriately, look at another Remnant columnist, Hilary White. While I don’t agree with every single article she writes, she writes with taste and decorum. I hope we see more of her writing; I know she doesn’t always have a column in each issue….speaking of which, her column, “The Chronicles of Norcia: Home”, is one of the most poignant I have ever read.
“Are these people not welcome?”
Stooping to their level does little to edify anybody. Would you start shooting drugs because someone else you want to help might be? Would you start living immorally because someone you want to help might be? By the same token, you don’t start using inappropriate vocabulary and inappropriate commentary just because someone else does. You converse with them, make friends with them, but you don’t publish them in newspapers to scandalize others.
“However, I think you take more heat for the way in which you write things. You write in a passive aggressive manner and it rubs people the wrong way.”
And her inappropriate, rude vocabulary was all right?
I am used to this, however, because my family members like to shut me up all the time…..which, again, is why I blog. Thank you for your time.
“You write in a passive aggressive manner and it rubs people the wrong way.”
Well, at least I’m honest. Nobody has to guess what I believe. Sorry if that offends you.
I agree with you that her tone and choice of vocabulary is often quite lacking for a woman. She’s fessed up to it many times. She’s also brought more people back to the church than most, in part because of the way she communicates. When I wrote are these people not welcome, I was not talking about the way she writes, rather her past. I won’t say whether how she speaks is wrong or right, because in today’s culture, it is working. Working in a way that, when people are so numb to the world around them, that “stooping to their level” is the way people are shown how “their level” is completely ridiculous and false. It is how many, many people are seeing the truth, whether we like the system of delivery or not.
And her inappropriate, rude vocabulary was all right?
Well, at least I’m honest
It is not your honesty that get’s on peoples nerves (or mine), it is the interjections about how you are treated by your husband and the men in your family, as if you are the completely innocent party. Assuming you speak to your family as you speak here, you are not innocent. You are provocative.
Fair enough. I’ll readily admit that when I do talk/write I’m caustic. People at least respect that. You don’t get walked on that way.
Finis. Thank you.
I’ll readily admit that when I do talk/write I’m caustic.
Then you have no call to complain about how those in your family respond to you.
And, at the end of the day, caustic writing is what Ann Barnhardt does. People also tell her to shut up. You have a choice, continuing being caustic and having people respond to you as they do, or change the way you speak, as you called her to do, and which you say, you don’t get walked on that way. I disagree with you there, but do you see where I’m going with this?
Stingray, I really don’t care how they respond to me anymore, as I really don’t know what else to do other than do what I’m told and shut up, until I am tired of just shutting up — after all, I am an adult, and I think I ought to have some say in something, for heaven’s sake. What I basically do now is just not respond. I am not telling Ann to shut up, what she says is her business, but I merely stated my personal opinion about Mr. Matt’s choice of selecting her to write for The Remnant. That’s all. I am sorry if you don’t like how I word things. Those were my very thoughts. I’m not complaining about how anybody in my family responds to me; that’s their choice. Do I like it? Not particularly, but I cannot change how they will respond. The only thing I can do is one of two things: communicate, or not communicate. As a rule, I generally choose the latter.
Of course, I could go around being syrupy and sweet and talking around topics. I learned years ago that accomplishes nothing and will only get you frustrated. Been there, done that, no thanks. I’m happy with the status quo, my parents and I leave each other alone now except when we need to be with one another (I’m their caregiver), and we agree to disagree. The unresolved issues are there and will probably remain so for the rest of their lives, but that was their choice. As for others, we agree to disagree and stay out of each others’ way. Works for me. I have no regrets, only regrets I didn’t call a spade a spade sooner. Would’ve saved myself a ton of grief. Let’s just drop this as no further purpose can be served by discussing this.
I am sorry if you don’t like how I word things.
Again, how you word things regarding the post, I have zero issue with.
I could go around being syrupy and sweet and talking around topics.
The only thing I can do is one of two things: communicate, or not communicate. As a rule, I generally choose the latter.
There are areas between syrupy sweet and not communicating that are not passive aggressive. These are not your only choices.
Also, you say you don’t care how they respond to you any more, but most of your posts here and some I’ve seen elsewhere mention how you are spoken to. Often when it has nothing to do with your comment or the topic of the post. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t do this.
“Often when it has nothing to do with your comment or the topic of the post.”
Sorry. You’re right about that. Looking at them I see that’s the case. It’s not fair to others. Thanks for pointing it out. Perhaps unconsciously I wish it wasn’t so.
You needn’t apologize or worry about me or the others here. I point it out only to make the point that it is not just your family that has serious issues communicating. You do as well and you are the only person you can change or work to better. No one else. Often when we change ourselves for the better, the people around us change dramatically in how they respond to us.
Stingray,
Here is what I have written on this subject, which I wanted to pass along.
http://stthomasmoreacademy.blogspot.com/2016/04/how-remnant-made-serious-error.html
Again, just my opinion, but I felt I was able to explain my position more succinctly in this way. I believe, as a mother, that I have some valid points, especially since we receive the print edition into our home.