But I say hilarious!
At one time or another one is going to hear “Why do men do stuff like that?”
To them I say, because they can!!
My favorite part . . .
I never said a word about Gym Rat quitting on me, leaving me to carry the pig by myself up to almost half the trail.
But for ever after, he never ever again teased me about being skinny or weak. He also gave me great respect whenever we saw each other.
Strength, determination, and grit are incredibly inspiring qualities in a man but honor among men is a sight to behold.
Althol Kay has a fantastic post up this morning regarding Fitness Testing and it is worth a read. He has potentially coined a new term, “Loyalty Testing”. This post really nails something that has felt off to me (only slightly) for awhile. Read it here.
Athol and his Reader get into something beyond straight Fitness testing; that pushing against a man to test his resolve. Loyalty testing is different in that it is not used to test his resolve (as in his masculinity) rather it is used to test his loyalty to her. You may be thinking, “who cares, a test is a test.” and depending on the woman, this is very much true. A loyalty test can be used as a fitness test by a strong/hard headed woman to test whether or not her husband is where she wants him to be. However, that is not how a woman who is rather more quiet and reserved would act. A woman who is (or who wants to be) submitting to her husband needs to know, will he always be there for her. Does he still love her? I know this may sound absurd to some of the men reading this. You tell her, you work your tail off, you do everything to show you love her, but she may not still understand. And the older she gets, the closer she gets to the wall, the more doubts she is going to have.
Does this mean that you bend over backwards to demonstrate your love? No, of course not. That is the “bad beta” Athol talks about in his post. Women communicate much differently than men. We hear you say “I love you”, but we look at your face and your body for something beyond the words. Other women say stuff all the time that means nothing and wives know this. She is inadvertently projecting this distrust of what other women (and some men) say onto you, the husband. We all say “I love you” from time to time and while we mean the words, we have other things on our minds so our body language doesn’t match it. Obviously, this is fine. The husband leaves for work and he goes with a quick “I love you” beforehand. He means it, but it’s not always enough. Every once and a while, a woman needs to know beyond the words. I think this is what a Loyalty test means. She is fishing for something more than the words for comfort and security.
Note** This does not mean Game and masculinity are not utterly necessary! What is known as “Dread” works. Different amounts of it are needed for different woman and different marriages. What this means is, when she gets it, when she knows how wonderful you are and that other women would be lucky (and very willing) to have you, if you still want her, she needs to know it. For women to know this, words are not going to be enough. What is enough, will be different for each woman.
I started taking notes on this post nearly a month ago and it is something I have had in mind for a very long time. Only, I could not get my thoughts straight enough on this topic to be comfortable attempting to post on it. I had been thinking about it for most of the weekend, decided it was time to attack it, but had still been apprehensive about it when, lo and behold, Rollo posted this gem today (read the comments as well, as some are very relevant to my point). From the post:
Hypergamy wants an optimized state.
Yes. Yes it does. Hypergamy (or concupiscence? I am still working on that one, but I think so) not only wants it, but demands it. When this state is reached by a woman there is nothing that will stop her from loving that man and she will do almost anything (and in some cases, anything) to be with he who gives this to her.
There is a lot of talk around the manosphere about how a woman will take a man for half his worth, the house, the kids, everything, and it obviously happens (and happens too often). One can read personal stories of this happening at just about every site out there. What one rarely hears about are those women who can’t even fathom doing this. It is anathema to even consider it for a moment. There is talk of these women being “red pill” or the “good ones,” and while their personalities obviously make a difference, what one does not often read is the reason these women will never leave; that these women not only love, but willingly dote, serve and submit to their husbands and are extraordinarily happy to do it. The reason these women are happy is because, overwhelmingly, their husbands are overtly masculine. They are the rocks that their wives will cling to and give everything to prop up.
This manliness is quite separate from what many understand Game to be, as one doesn’t often hear about these men being overly concerned with whether or not they were able to neg effectively or whether or not they passed a fitness test. What they are concerned with is their goal. What is important to them is attaining that goal and surrounding themselves with people who will help them reach that goal (and not allowing those who will not into their lives). Game is not a concern to them as they know who they are on such profound level that it’s simply unimportant. He is Man and that’s all anyone needs to know. Now, that being said, I am not dismissing Game as I think that given how men are blatantly taught to be effeminate today that it is an effective tool for one striving to reach this state of Man. I may not agree with all it’s applications (spinning plates, P and D, et cetera), but it is a tool for men to use in their growth in becoming Man.
These Men who achieve this have a power over women that I don’t think many men yet fully understand. There is still a lot of talk of the risks of divorce and what a women is state sanctioned to do to her husband. Yet, for a woman lucky enough to be married to man like this, leaving him for any amount of money is inconceivable. I’ve been told “that word does not mean what you think it means“, but for her what she would lose is far more valuable than anything she could ever take from him.
If one reads the various sites on a regular basis, one sees more and more evidence of this type of masculinity. Masculinity that is there for itself and for it’s own purposes (this sounds selfish, though it does not have to be. The purpose is often higher than the man). Many of these men have stated that they are going their own way, not so much out of giving up but rather they refuse to settle. They have a list of things that MUST be in a woman and they simply have not found a girl to match it yet. As a man like this is very enticing to women if and when he does choose, the women around him will notice and take note of whom he chose. “Who is she, what is it about her that drew him to her, what qualities does she posses that I might lack?”. Other women will take note and some will try to figure out what they can do to attract a man of the same caliber (while other will deride the woman that was chosen, it is inevitable and has always been).
My point in all of this is that the strength and draw of strong masculinity on women still seems to be vastly underrated. There are often comments of how men will never marry because the thought of gaming their wives every day for the rest of their lives is simply overwhelming. It is not that one need game his wife everyday for the rest of his life, it’s that he must be a man everyday for the rest of his life. It’s not something that he must do for her, to make her happy or to make her tingle. It is something he must do for himself because he is MAN. For this reason and for no other.
***This is not a plea to Man-Up Bill Bennet style. Rather, it’s a call for men to embrace what God has given them for mens’ own sakes. People in your lives may have taught you untruths, untruths that were embraced unquestioningly, but your masculinity is an extremely large part of who you are. Your education may have mislead you but you can educate yourself to the truth.
Robert M Hutchins writing about the crisis of the West’s education in that it is too specialized:
. . . and in view of the urgent need for unity and community, it does not seem an exaggeration to say that the present crisis calls first of all for an education that shall emphasize those respects in which men are the same, rather than those in which they are different. The West needs an education that draws out our common humanity rather than our individuality . . .
In this connection we might recall the dictum of Rousseau: ‘It matters little to me whether my pupil is intended for the army, the church, or the law. Before his parents chose a calling for him, nature called him to be a man . . . When he leaves me, he will be neither a magistrate, a soldier, nor a priest; he will be a man.’
Men may not have Rousseau to turn to today, but these truths are out there to be found and used to become the Man you choose to be.
Since I first started to read in the manosphere one of the most predominant questions is “What is an Alpha?” Everyone seems to have their own definition ranging from a man who has a whole lot of luck in the woman department to a man who is simply dominant. There are also a lot of people asking where the Alpha comes from. For the sake of this post, I am more interested in Alpha itself (and I think Rollo is mostly spot on in his post).
What is an Alpha?
I think one of the most important things to realize is that Alpha is not Alpha is not Alpha. Yes, there is a base level of characteristics that will define an Alpha. Self confidence, dominance, self assurance, a certain drive to accomplish something important to themselves, etc. However, there is not one kind of Alpha, or rather there is not one level of Alpha. There is the bad boy Alpha (the one most talked about in the manosphere) who’s main claim is that he has been with a plethora of women. But I think this definition falls sadly short. There are plenty of men who are capable of this, but for many different reasons (very often religious) choose not to. They are more interested in living their lives for their chosen mission (that certain drive that these men have, coupled with their mission, is very likely at the center of the other Alpha characteristics). The apex of Alpha, in my opinion, is the man who has his mission and strives to complete it in the most direct, yet moral way possible. Now, a lot of people will think this is a foolish and childish definition, but I think this is because one so very rarely sees men like this these days that people honestly don’t believe these kinds of men exist any more. Also, men like this will not flaunt themselves, so it makes it even more difficult to see who they are. Between these two levels are a sliding scale of different levels of alpha and depending on a given situation men will slide back and forth between levels. Think about it, if you have ten groups of men, within each group an alpha will emerge. Then take those ten Alphas and put them into a room together and there will emerge an Alpha among that group as well. Change the situation and the men will change their hierarchy to best manipulate that situation.
Alphas and Women
Another predominant theory is that women love the bad boy Alpha. On the surface, yes this is true. Most women will be highly intrigued and interested in the bad boy. He displays enough traits that are lacking in so many men these days that she will become attracted to him (and yes, there have always been and always will be women who will lust after the bad boy more than any other man. That will never change). However, I believe that most women, if given a choice between the bad boy Alpha and the good man Alpha, especially when it comes to relationships, would choose the good man almost every time. But again, men like this are so rare, that women will tend to take whatever Alpha they can get their hands on and then hope against hope that she can change him. The other thing to keep in mind that this is talking about relationships. Now that we live in a world of no strings attached sex, more women are lusting after the bad boy because he always appears more exciting. However, more exciting does not equate to stability and when stability is what is wanted, she will go after the good man who no longer has any interest in the woman who spent time and gave herself to the bad boy. Women are also going to pursue different levels of Alpha. The top dog alpha, believe it or not, is going to be far too intense for some women who would rather go for man a bit further down the hierarchy for her own comfort level. A man that she can depend on to be her Rock, yet will display more comforting traits that she may need. She will find the higher Alphas very attractive, but for a relationship they might be too much for her.
Non-predominant Alpha Traits
Alphas will come in all different shapes and sizes and while a woman will be intrigued by most any Alpha, that does not mean she does not have preferences (and these preferences will produce, for her, a slightly different hierarchy of what constitutes the most Alpha man). For example, if I were presented with two Alphas, one a CEO of a Fortune 500 company and one a country man who knows his way around the woods, hunting, guns, and hard outdoor labor I would be far more attracted to the latter. Does that mean that I would find the CEO unattractive? No. But he is simply not my type and while I would admire him I would want to pursue the other man. Attraction does not automatically mean that one wants to pursue a man. It can be as simple as taking notice, admiring, and then going on with the day. It is very much like a man seeing the beautiful 18 year old girl on the beach, watching and admiring her and then turning back to his wife. Unfortunately, many women are no longer taught this and are instead taught to pursue any man they wish.
What women need to do is focus on identifying what type of man they are most interested in spending their lives with and then pursue men whom they find attractive and they respect inside those types. If she simply pursues and gives herself to any Alpha who will have her, she will find herself in a position of no man, especially and Alpha man, wanting her. What, I think, men need to do, is decide first and foremost, what kind of man they wish to be and unapologetically pursue that with everything they are. I have been told that this is dangerously close to the “Just be yourself” advice that women so often give. The difference is that men who follow that advice do it for the sake of women. A man should choose what kind of man he wishes to be for himself and for himself alone.
We recently purchased the Great Books of the Western World for ourselves and for our children. I have slowly been reading the first book which is entitled The Great Conversation – The Substance of a Liberal Education by Robert M. Hutchins. This book is . . . . stellar (I feel like a dolt because I simply do not have the words to describe it). I wish I could quote you the whole book, but I will leave you snippets of it over the next several days to think on. Mr. Hutchins is discussing here the importance of the Great Books . . . .
The books contain not merely the tradition, but also the great exponents of the tradition. Their writings are models of the fine and liberal arts. They hold before us what Whitehead called ‘the habitual vision of greatness.’ These books have endured because men in every era have been lifted beyond themselves by the inspiration of their example. Sir Richard Livingstone said: ‘We are all tied down, all our days and for the greater part of our days, to the commonplace. That is where contact with the great thinkers, great literature helps. In their company we are still in the ordinary world, but it is the ordinary world transfigured and seen through the eyes of wisdom and genius. And some of their vision becomes our own.’
Until very recently these books have been central in education in the West. They were the principal instrument of liberal education, the education of men acquired as an end in itself, for no other purpose than that it would help them to be men, to lead human lives, and better lives than they would otherwise be able to lead.
The aim of liberal education is human excellence, both private and public (for man is a political animal). Its object is the excellence of a man as man and man as citizen. It regards man as an end, not as a means; it regards the ends of life, and not the means to it. For this reason it is the education of free men. Other types of education or training treat men as means to some other end, or are at best concerned with the means of life, with earning a living, and not with its ends.
Hutchins, Robert M. The Great Conversation. Chicago: Encyclopedia Britannica, Inc., 1952
A discussion has started at Dalrock’s this morning regarding respect and men (You can read the thread here. This started close to the bottom of the comments). One thing that beta men have been taught and have taken fully to heart is that they must respect women. However, respect is not really what we want from a man. Rather, it is not the main thing we want from a man. It is icing on the cake, surely, but not what draws us to men. A woman cannot feel respect for a man that that holds her higher than himself. Indeed, it is difficult to feel respect for man that does not hold himself at least on par, or higher, than most of the others around him.
By holding one’s SO higher than himself he is in essence saying that I am not worthy of your greatness but I will prove to you that I will work hard to stay in your presence. Nothing will breed contempt from a woman faster. Not only has the woman been placed on a pedestal, she has also been put in charge. She will take charge, as someone must, but she will resent it (though not realize why) and she will likely abuse it (which stems from the resentment).
A man must always respect himself above his wife. Demonstrating this proves that he has the strength to care for her better than she can for herself. He has the strength to not lose it during an emotional tirade (bonus if he has enough to laugh these off and simply walk away). He has the strength to deny his wife something she thinks she desperately wants, but is actually not in her best interest. He has the strength needed to tend to what the marriage needs before what she wants.
Respect is something that must be earned and she is not going to be outwardly happy during these times. However, respect isn’t meant to breed happiness so much as it is to bring stability. Her happiness depends on herself and no one else.
So, if one is to be the rock, one must stand firm in his self respect, dignity and strength. Otherwise he will be washed away in the storm.