A few months ago I left a couple of comments at Chateau Heartise that I want to present to you here. I think the ideas in them are very important and I was lucky that I mentioned a movie in one of them so it was fairly easy to find again. I have edited them a bit for content and to combine the two comments into one post. My comments respond to the idea that the balance of men and women will someday shift back to our more natural roles:
Even when the balance does begin to come back around women will still feel like we are missing out on *something*. Inherently we understand that, not only are we weaker, we are not as intelligent or often times, as interesting. We see the men congregate, the bonds that you form, the things you create and we know, deep down, that most of us will never have that. We can be a part of it by supporting our husbands, sons, brothers and fathers who are doing these things. If we are intelligent enough and can learn to keep our mouths shut we may even be allowed into the group to at least listen and even comment. However, we will never be a part of what it is to be MAN.
As a (maybe silly) example, a few months ago I was watching 13 Assassins and a band of 13 samurai strangers band together to kill a man. Within days these men were bonded in a way that women are incapable of. Some of us do see that and crave that. However, we also understand that if these men were to ever allow a woman into this bond, the entire thing would be finished, merely by her presence. Her mere presence would weaken and destroy the very thing she wants to be a part of. The best we can hope for is to be outliers and supporters of this bond.. It is a noble place to be and it is necessary. But, deep down, we know it is never the same and this can be a very difficult thing to come to terms with.
Women who have the courage to realize that our true strength and grit comes from backing up, supporting, and giving ourselves to our men will very often earn true and deep respect from the men around her (especially these days). However, I think it is important for men to be aware of this envy woman will feel at men’s overt strength and power. Men receive the validation that women so crave and that is not easily achieved by our own covert power. I believe that this may be at the root of the beginning of feminism. To compensate and validate, women were put on a pedestal and admired for our beauty and what many believed was some inherent goodness. While I don’t think it wrong for men to admire women’s beauty (even if I did, this will never stop. This is inherent) I do think it wrong for men to use the pedestal as some kind of reward for women who choose their natural roles. That we can be put back there when we realize and fully submit to what our strengths as women are.
From my perspective women do not want to be put on a pedestal even if our men think we deserve it. We will rebel against it. It don’t know why, but it is not a place women like to or want to be. I do, however, offer this. Put the tasks that you admire us doing on that pedestal. The cooking, cleaning, raising the children, and all the little things in between on that pedestal. We will understand that better and be happier with our place if we see that Men find our tasks important and noble. It can be hard for us to see that our daily tasks are important when they so often involve the tedious (let’s face it, cleaning the bathroom is no fun). And the feedback from raising good children often comes much later and is rarely immediate. It can be very difficult to maintain focus without our men standing behind us and truly appreciating what we are doing. But when we see the smile of true appreciation, everything we are doing makes sense and it is all worth while. Put all that on the pedestal. We need it to help us remember that what we do, while not challenging or world altering, is important and without it, the work of Men would suffer.